hey babes,

it’s hot - YES!!! i love a warm dry, sunny day so very much. i hope you’re able to put on some booty shorts, drink all the iced coffee, and enjoy it 😎

focus, the law of attraction, and abs

to get pretty real: my belly has always been my (literal) soft spot. we all have somewhere we feel vulnerable about or have something about us we feel we can’t control, and that’s always been mine. i’ve never been overweight, not even chubby, but i’ve never had a particularly chiseled midsection either - until now (a work in progress :) i can remember being kindergarten age and sucking in my little kid belly to appear thinner, a habit reinforced by years of ballet training and not the highest self-esteem. i was told over and over to pull in, brace, or scoop my abs in to get a stronger core, look better, be a prima ballerina/bikini model and achieve nirvana. and i also cue pulling in at the belly when i teach, don’t get me wrong - but more on that later.

the thing is, for me, all that clenching and gripping and trying so hard didn’t change my abs, not really. sure, i made some major improvements when i started teaching full time and studying pilates, but i was still always a little sensitive about wearing crop tops and thought no one would think i knew what i was talking about if they saw my decent-but-not-amazing stomach.

it wasn’t until i got pregnant that my abs really started to change. aside from the obvious differences, i found i was feeling my abs engage more fully, more deeply in my workouts, even as i got bigger and bigger. my low belly (that holy grail) especially was “turning on” like never before, almost without me even trying. i wouldn’t be able to see the changes for quite some time, but i knew i felt a powerful difference, and sure enough, now that i’m 10 months post-partum, my abs have never been so strong or looked so flat.

i chalk it up to the shift in my perspective in and outside the studio. since my abs weren’t going to get any flatter while pregnant, duh, i could let go of that goal and just focus on working where i was that day. between that and setting up my alignment properly, i was able to make the real changes. once i shifted my focus from flat abs to just being where i was, i was able to really change. no overtrying, no gripping or clenching, no expectations or perfectionism. just bring really present and connected.

i wanted to share because it seems to me that all the law of attraction/pop psychology/ internet advice is actually pretty right on. to make change, we must first be present and love ourselves, accept our bodies, honor where we are that day and focus on the journey (the workout) rather than the destination (perfection, abs, losing 10 pounds, etc.)

Take care babes, keep pulsing, and I’ll see you at the barre/on the mat/in the studio!

With love,
Annie

Hiya, barrebabes!

It's been a minute, but I hope this finds everyone well and getting into the rhythm of fall. Mr. Baby and I are enjoying the weather with lots of walks, stroller barre workouts in the park, and vegan ice cream cones. This week, we even made it to BodyRhythm Dance class on Friday - Diego loved wiggling along to the music so much, and it felt soooo good to get sweaty with Sarah and all the dancing babes, I think we'll be back! It's pretty to cool to hang out with a human to whom everything is new and apparently amusing.

Fall is a time of change, shifting gears, and setting habits. I write to you today in the spirit of focus, with a few words about habits, work, and happiness.

new habits thrive hard

Our lives are full of routines, rituals, and habits, even for the most spontaneous and wild among us, and making any kind of real change in our lives requires us to create and maintain new ones. Obviously, this is easier said than done. Here in these first few months of motherhood, I'm learning a lot about how crucial routines and habits are to keeping up the good vibes every day, and how much work it really is to introduce new ones and stick to them.

The big one for me right now is breastfeeding and pumping milk for bottles. Mr. Baby's gotta eat, and his appetite quite literally shapes my day. Lord knows the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is attach suction cups to my boobs and sit there like a dairy cow for 20 minutes, but keeping a few things in mind has helped me turn an annoying chore into a meaningful ritual and thus into a regular habit. Here's how:

- attach higher meaning to the action and prioritize accordingly. It's important to me to feed my baby breastmilk, which makes the chore of pumping actually pretty special. I want him to have an abundance of milk, and pumping helps increase the flow. My body's ability to sustain him is like, total magic, so the action of pumping is, too (kind of). Perhaps you want to change an eating habit, like eating less sugar and more vegetables. The higher meaning here could be improvements to your mood, mental state, and entire outlook on life, not "just" your skin or waistline, etc.

- make it special/create a reward. To make my twice daily pumping suck less (pun totally intended) I make sure that the action itself has something enticing attached to it. My little pumping zone is pleasant and comfy, and if it's morning, I bring my coffee with me, and at night, I used to have a cookie, then switched to a little wine, and now I'm just happy to drink water and sit quietly. Knowing that the pumping is literally buying myself sleep time is reward as well (Mr. Roddancerbod handles the 6am feeding, and it's nothing short of awesome every day! Basically, I bargained with myself until it became no longer necessary to do so, and now I no longer dread the chore. Same can go with food - reward yourself with something nice when you stick to your new, desired habit, like dabbing on your favorite essential oil, or buying yourself flowers, or fancy seltzers or whatever.

-get grateful. This was really the biggest one for me. Realizing how rad it is that I can make milk for my baby, and what a privilege it is to have a breast pump, and a partner to feed the baby a bottle all went a long way in changing my perspective about what I'm actually doing. Turning the action mentally into a privilege rather than a burden made it feel like "good work if you can get it" - something I want to do, not something I have to do. Same goes for food or workouts or flossing or whatever - feeling grateful we have the choices, the resources, the privilege to benefit from our efforts is key to making the desired change.

Anyway, babes, keep pulsing, keep in touch, and I'll see you at the barre!

All the best,
Annie 

Hiya, barrebabes!

I hope this finds you all well. I for one am a little bit more rested, slightly less covered in breastmilk, and am super pumped to be getting back to teaching and working out with you! Today I have a few words about honoring where we are/being a work in progress, and of course, some photos of my very handsome and charming Mr. Baby.

The myth of bouncing back

As a fitness professional and new mama, I'm acutely aware of the social pressure to "lose the baby weight" and "get my body back." The hype around lightning-fast celebrity mama transformations and the blessed few of us who really do go right back to normal before the baby can even smile don't make it any easier to be kind to one's body and just be where we are. But if I've learned anything about my mama body so far, it's that it's freaking amazing, changes quickly, and that a little patience & trust is key. Trying to do too much too fast is not only often fruitless and frustrating, it can even harm our efforts or exacerbate common post-baby troubles like diastasis recti or pelvic floor dysfunction. The things that troubled me just 8 weeks ago are already distant memories, and all it really took was rest, mindful movement (which I love anyway), and a little trust in my body to heal itself. Every time we focus on mind-body connection, whether it's in barre class, yoga, meditation, dance, Pilates, surfing - whatever - we practice for times like this when we need to be able to tune in and trust. It pays off - by the end of Diego's first 8 weeks, I could plank again and make it through an hour workout, and by 12 weeks, I'm back in (most of) my old clothes and can jump up and down without fear of something breaking.

On top of the pitfalls of trying to rush the healing process, being hyper focused on "bouncing back" focuses us on the past and takes us out of the moment, and these moments of early motherhood are some I really don't want to miss. I'm amazed by Mr. Baby and how much he learns and changes constantly, and I'm also amazed by my body, which I kind of can't believe grew the little guy, brought him into the world, and now feeds him and keeps him alive. I like the changes, too - the residual softness from pregnancy and breastfeeding feels kind of sexy, and I dig having wider (and more flexible) hips. Lord knows all the picking up of my now 12 pound kettlebell of cuteness is making me stronger than ever, and I'm able to feel ab exercises like whoa. I definitely don't feel resigned to a life of unflattering jeans and Spanx, and I'm cool with the process, even if I'm not in the bikini-clad "wow how did she get her body back so fast?" camp.

I believe it's the same for not-mamas. Have goals, for sure, but try to enjoy the process of achieving them as well as the goal itself. Be where you are today, whether that means 10 extra reps or 10 less, crop top or muumuu, kale smoothies or ice cream. In the meantime, I'm not interested in "bouncing back." I'd rather move forward, into the as-yet undiscovered realms of physical awesomeness that await us :)

And now... peep the handsome devil himself, Mr. Baby AKA Diego Zuma AKA Squirmsburg AKA Hun Bun Poo Bear...

Keep pulsing,

Annie

Hey hey, barrebabes,

Greetings from babyland! Diego is now 8 weeks old, getting bigger and more adorable by the day, and I am slowly getting the hang of mothering and loving (almost) every second of it. Today I have some alignment tips I’ve been working with, and some totally indulgent photos of my favorite little guy because its just wrong to keep the cuteness to myself!

alignment tips for mamas... and everyone

One takeaway from the past 2 months of breastfeeding for hours, slow evening strolls, and pacing the apartment at 3 am with a 10 pound baby in my arms is that the physicality of early motherhood is not to be underestimated. It's tedious, repetitive, and largely sedentary, and all those things combined with constant lifting, carrying, and downward focus towards the baby can quickly etch in unwanted movement patterns. Those patterns take their toll on the body quickly, creating not only tension and pain, but also some of the dreaded, um, aesthetic changes of motherhood. Posture is everything, friends, so below I discuss some common postpartum woes such as the "breastfeeding hunch," the poochy tummy (and corresponding back pain) and the deflated, uninspired booty (and corresponding weak pelvic floors) and what to do about them.

head first - a slight tuck of the chin helps bring the head into proper alignment with the spine and turns on posture & core muscles lower down. as you stand, imagine you have a heavy nose. you might feel the back of your neck lengthen, or you might feel the tiny muscles around your spine in your mid-back (your multifidi) turn on. whatever happens, you should look & feel taller. practice this for awhile and not only will you reduce trap tension and tight pecs, you'll look instantly better in photos from your effortlessly beautiful posture.

breathe deep - but not into your belly, unless you're in yoga class (where belly breaths serve a specific purpose). i've said it before, but your lungs are not your stomach, so while it is necessary to breathe deep, the belly doesn't always need to expand on your inhale. instead, think of inflating your lungs to your sides and back. running a finger along the collar bones from throat to shoulder tips helps me feel the breadth and openness of my upper body and allows for deep, full breaths, without jamming shoulders back and down and causing even more neck tension.

practice coordinating movement and breath, like during a simple squat: inhale as you lower, pause for a moment at the bottom, then exhale to rise. this simple exercise not only works all your favorite squat muscles, it actually helps strengthen and coordinate the pelvic floor by expanding and contracting your diaphragm, which in turn presses down (on the inhale) and lifts up (on the exhale) on the pelvic floor muscles.

release your ribs - this is the hardest one for me, but i think it's also the secret ingredient to my upper body strength and posture challenges overall. many of us tend to flare our ribs forward and out, especially when we pull in our abs. instead, think of drawing the ribs together at or just underneath the bra line. no bra? feel the bones that frame your diaphragm an inch or so under the nipple line and and bring them slightly together and in towards your back. this is simple enough when standing still, but try it while practicing upper body stretches and heart openers and really feel the difference.

don't tip or grip -if you've taken my class, you are probably pretty familiar with proper alignment and stabilization of your pelvis, but just to recap - tucking tail under is no good. sticking tail out is no good. you want to "preserve the curve" of your lumbar spine while bringing pubic bone in line with hip bones (and front ribs). but make sure you're not gripping anything to accomplish this posture (i tend to grip my rotators). "grip" is different from "engage" or "activate." so by all means, activate your muscles during workouts, but the rest of the time, better let them chill. check in with your own grippy patterns by actively relaxing your muscles during common activities, like waiting for the train, brushing your teeth, cooking, etc. you might be surprised by how much is held and how often.

Form follows function, so while my goals this summer are more about feeling strong and capable than they are about how I look in a bikini, at some point the two are intertwined. Moreover, these tips aren't just for mamas, though - if you also are dealing with sedentary, repetitive, downward-focused movement patterns (think desk job), these moves will help eradicate the physical evidence, so to speak. Even if you don't have any back pain or pelvic floor issues and have a super flat stomach and rad glutes, consider these tips preventive medicine.

And finally... here's Diego!

See you soon!

Annie

Hey Hey Barrebabes

Radio Star

Last week, I did an interview with the very cool Vincent Metzo at Radio Free Brooklyn in which we discussed my kinda interesting dance background and how it influences my profession as a fitness and movement teacher. He asks great questions and I had a blast speaking with him. Give it a listen https://tinyurl.com/3735kzna

“Shrill”

I watched "Shrill" on Hulu pretty much all in one go last week and can't recommend it enough. It's. So. Good! I felt all the feels - laughing till my cheeks hurt, sobbing through pretty much the first three episodes, becoming heart-poundingly angry at times, developing a woman crush on the lead actress and her roommate, all of it. You should totally watch it, and I feel that we are long overdue for a series like it. Our society is incredibly unfair to bigger people, and my profession is especially culpable in that. So I want to state here a few things in case I have been an asshole about them in the past:

We must not judge bodies. Bigger bodies are not necessarily sicker bodies, and smaller bodies are not necessarily healthier ones. Big bodies are capable, strong, healthy, flexible, dynamic, and beautiful. Big bodies are not ugly, bad, wrong, or sick. Period.

We must not judge people based on their bodies. It is so incredibly wrong to assume that someone is lazy or gluttonous or uneducated based on what you think about the size of their body, and on the flip side it is also unwise to assume someone (your fitness instructor, perhaps) knows what they're talking about or is healthier based on their thinness/leanness/muscularity.

We must stop telling girls and women that they have to look a certain way to be valued. And we have to stop telling ourselves that as well. Believe me, my internal monologue is not always the healthiest, and I have been exercising since I was a child because I always thought I was somehow too fat to be beautiful, worthy, loved. That has since changed for many reasons - growing up and getting out in the world, learning to dance African dance, traveling and spending time in cultures that don't value thinness like we do, being married to an incredible person who makes me feel fabulous about myself every day, having a baby - but I sometimes still feel like I've done something wrong by having period bloat or eating too many cookies or whatever. If I have ever made you feel bad about your body or its capabilities, or that you are less for any reason, I am truly, deeply sorry. That is not my aim or my right to do so. Ever. I am here to help you feel your best through movement, and that's really it. Your body is its own beautiful creation, and I celebrate all the differences, am grateful for them. I want you to look like you and to feel amazing in your own skin. That's all.

Anyway, babes... Like the music in barre class recently? You can listen to any of my tunes by following me @annieforeal on Spotify.

With love & planks,

Annie

Hey hey, barrebabes,

Little Diego just turned one month old, and he has been gracious enough to give me just enough time in between his meals to reflect on the past thirty days. Thus, today's newsletter is a bit about my impressions of motherhood so far and how I'm dealing, some movement remedies I'm working with (also good for people with sitting jobs or who are otherwise confined to chairs for a good portion of the day), and, of course, photos of His Highness, Mr. Baby :)

growing/shrinking

I am pleased to report my little guy has gained almost two pounds since birth - which is incredibly gratifying, considering all those ounces came right out of my boobs - and is visibly bigger to all who met him early on. It's amazing how fast he learns things and how different he is every day - he makes new faces, new sounds, new ways to play. My favorite thing is watching him look at stuff and actually see it, like polka dots, high contrast designs, or my husband's handsome face. 

Conversely, I'm steadily shrinking. Not giving a crap, I haven't stepped on the scale, but I've been happy to notice some changes. I'm by no means a bikini model or anything just yet, but it feels good to look down and see my feet again and wear actual jean shorts (they were stretch, but what the hay).  The pregnancy puffiness dissipated almost immediately, my 42-inch belly has deflated to within 4-5 inches of the norm, and the pregnancy cellulite has also just about left the building. I'm definitely noticing some loss of tone in my legs and booty, though (which, like, never happens to me) but... duh! I sit for upwards of 8 hours per day feeding my guy and am barely moving in comparison to even my pregnant level of training. Of course my muscles will be a little out to lunch. In an odd way, though, I'm kinda stoked about it - I get to start over, a chance to build myself back up, and to enjoy the process of working at something and seeing results. 

Slowly, that is.

Mama Moves

While I'm not exactly "working out" per se, I am moving a little more and more each day, doing only what feels good. It's been tough to get used to breastfeeding for a variety of reasons, not the least of which that it requires more sitting in strange positions than I would ever normally do. And if I'm not careful, it will wreak havoc on my posture, causing not only rounded shoulders, but weakness in my psoas/deep core, putting pressure on an already delicate pelvic floor, and irritating my low back, sacrum and tail bone. If you are also stuck in a slump, or sit a lot for whatever reason, here's some simple moves I've been doing to help that you can also try:

- get up. I stand and move around when I can, be it giving the baby a jiggly walk through the apartment to burp him, nursing him standing up (or doing pliés), rocking him to sleep, or taking a spin around the block in the evening. The variation helps tremendously.
 - shoulder rolls & arm stretches. Just like in the warm up in class, I roll my shoulders and stretch my arms and neck frequently to counteract the rolling forward & downward pull. I also try to open my chest and pecs whenever I can - think cactus arms. I focus on stabilizing my shoulders on all 4s. I take deep, full breaths that spread my side ribs and scapula. Soon I'll introduce strengthening exercises, but for now, this is where I work. 
- pulsing pliés in a small range of motion. Just enough to wake my thighs back up. Check out my Instagram to see what I mean.
 - hip circles, which are freaking magic. The baby likes them, and they're a great way to connect with and gently tone deep abs and pelvic floor. They also loosen up the low back and bring circulation to spots that get stiff from sitting. 

They call it "baby steps" for a reason. Slowly but surely, I'll get there.

motherhood = hard

I'll just say it - taking care of my newborn is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's also the most wonderful thing ever, but these first few weeks are just so fraught. The hormones are cray, the learning curve is steep for everyone involved, and it's tough to constantly make what feels like life or death decisions on virtually zero sleep. But as we round the month-old mark, I feel like we're ironing out the kinks. He's eating, sleeping, and growing, and I'm sort of eating, sleeping more, and kinda shrinking. Everyone is winning.

i don't have baby blues, but i understand why new mamas can get them.The life changes aredrastic, y'all. One minute, you're going to barre class, catching shows and cruising around the city solo, and then within a few days you're more housebound than you've ever been in your life, chained to a tiny screaming creature who is completely dependent on you knowing what the hell to do to keep them alive, your insides are all stretched out and you're so vulnerable and everything hurts and everyone in the house is exhausted... it's intense.

(Don't get me wrong - I spend 90% of my time gazing at my baby with hearts for eyes. Another 5% I spend laughing at all the baby things he does, like making funny poo faces or sounding exactly like a little goat when he cries and turns hot pink. The other 5%, though? Hysterics and desperation. I think it's normal).

Patience is really the key. Patience with Mr. Baby, because it's hard to be a baby and he's just learning the ropes; patience with hubs, because he's working double shifts (job during the day, caring for us like a pro all night); and, most necessary, patience with myself. I'm slowly understanding that I'm not expected to be a perfect mama right off the bat, and I won't be able to instantly solve all of our problems with a wave of a magic wand (or more baby supplies from Amazon Prime). It takes time to learn to swaddle a baby, for the baby to learn how to go to sleep when he's tired, for everyone to learn how to breastfeed. I've found it's important to be nice to myself and to give us all time to get to know each other. It really does sort itself out! (Sleep helps).

Having patience with the post-partum healing process is crucial, too. I've had to coach myself a bit to recognize that time is my best healer and that my body knows best what to do. Of course, I'm helping it along with gentle, smart movement, but it's actually pretty magical how things will set themselves back to rights if I can just let them happen in their time, Understanding that I'm not sick, that it's all just part of the normal process of having a baby, helps too. It gets better every day, and I'm honestly thankful I have the awareness now instead of having more serious problems crop up later.

Here's a few things I do to keep it together:
-I put on a little makeup every day& do something with my hair, even if the only person who'll see my face is Mr. Baby. It's just good for morale.
-I text and talk with my fellow mamas. A lot. We share struggles, triumphs, advice, tips. Having a crew, even a virtual one, helps with just about everything. I'm a little bit Facebook-addicted, but it prevents loveliness as well as gratuitous freak outs over baby things.
-I move when I can and only do what feels good.Sometimes that's just some shoulder rolls and head circles. But even if it's just 8 pliés and a couple pelvic tucks while calming the baby, it counts. (Plus, it's really does help the little guy chill out!) Conversely, closing my eyes for 10 minutes while baby nurses also totally counts as rest. Right?
-I celebrate small victories and recognize silver linings. We all slept for 2.5 hours at the same time, hooray! I fed the baby and calmed him down in under 90 minutes, yeah! Maybe he pooed as soon as I got his diaper off (again) but hey, that's one less diaper to change!

And you know what? That glass of wine or "beer to help the milk come in" goes a long way. Just saying.

mr baby!

photos photos photos... y'all welcome ;)

More when I can, babes. Until then, keep pulsing!

Annie

on energy & intentionality

lately i keep thinking about a quote, attributed mostly to oprah (🙌) that goes something like, “your intentions determine the outcome of your life.”

put another way, the energy of our intentions shapes the results we see in our lives. it's been on my mind for how true this seems to be, yet how tricky it can feel to live in alignment with our desired energy or intentions. 

for instance, i've been invited to set my intentions in literally every yoga class i've ever taken and honestly, i never quite understood this. i couldn't feel it. i was never able to say, “yes, inner self, our intention for this practice is to cultivate peace within and share it with the world." it was more like, “my intention for this practice is to not die in chaturanga - or maybe ever?” or “do a damn handstand already” or sometimes “become a better person through exercise!” 🙄

but intentionality is beginning to make more sense to me. i'm learning that for better or worse, our intentions shine through our actions without us having to control every last detail - even if we are consciously adjusting ourselves otherwise. case in point: no matter how sweetly i speak to my children, if my energy is scoldy or impatient, they'll hear it, and will react (more like retaliate) accordingly. but when i am truly chill, unfettered, and my energy is focused on peacefulness, everyone is that much more easygoing, fun-loving, and sweet. 

the trick is to focus on our energy before we try to change the actions we take. when i repeat to myself in the mirror every morning “today i will not yell, i will be a good mother. today i will not yell, i will be a good mother,” (action, intention) mostly what happens is that within the first 3 minutes of being in the presence of my poor, sweet, annoying little kids, i am in full screeching harpy mode - and instantly feeling guilty for yelling. it would seem that i yelled “despite my best intentions,” but really it's that i didn't take steps to prepare my energy for the desired intention (good mothering) before deciding on an action (not yelling).

instead, if i figure out what i need in order to be a “good,” non-screaming mother, the whole vibe shifts. the action of staying calm and not screaming comes easily because i've first cared for my energy and directed it towards my intention. for me, some ways i do this are to:

~ take a little more time for myself, even if i just lay on the floor

~ eat enough food

~ get ready every day (makeup, hair sort of) so i feel at least put together, if not polished/glamorous 

~ going to sleep, instead of doomscrolling and buying snake oil/skin care on instagram all night

you know, planning how i want to feel rather than how i want to behave. so that when i go to look for the “good mother” in myself, she's actually there. i don't have to constantly take deep breaths and count to ten and adjust my tone of voice because i can find that beaming radiant mama love already emanating from within. all i have to do is ride the wave. my kids might still be annoying, but it's ok because they're kids. and i can handle annoying without ruining everyone's day because i'm capacious and experienced enough to handle a child's big emotions and their wildness. and they feel that love and security from me, and their annoying behavior stops that much faster.

now, i'm not saying this happens easily, or even often, to be honest with you. if you've seen me rage-crying into a stroller at around 5pm on weekdays or football-carrying two screaming redheads and their scooters across graham avenue, know that it's because the desired action can't happen if we haven't been intentional about our energy in the first place - by listening, refilling our cup when necessary, protecting our energy. by no means am i successful with this 100% of the time. the process is simple but not easy, and it's made all the more difficult when we are overtired, overscheduled, overstimulated, stressed out, or getting all perfectionisty about multitasking and being amazing at everything and micromanaging everyone's mood. it's a work in progress.

but it's worth noting that this intentionality applies to movement and exercise. i heard a podcast the other day discussing a study done on professional housekeepers about mindset and exercise. the housekeepers were asked if they considered their manual labor jobs to be exercise, to which they all replied no. half of the housekeepers were told that they were, in fact, actually exercising as they went about their daily work and the other half were not told anything different. rather amazingly, the housekeepers who were told they were exercising just by being at work experienced all the benefits of exercise - literally. their moods improved, as did their biological markers of health and fitness, such as cholesterol, resting heart rate, weight, metabolism, etc. pretty mind-blowing, when you think about it.

the housekeepers didn't change their behaviors to get results, just their mindset about their work, and it was a mindset shift towards the positive, empowering, achievable end of the spectrum, rather than a prescriptive, intense, no pain-no gain approach. (i repeat my caution against most 21-day challenges for this reason).

does this mean we can sit on the sofa and think lovely thoughts and get/be all that we want in life? well, no. all the housekeepers were still moving, still getting it done, it's just that some viewed their daily movement as being beneficial and the others didn't. the mind is powerful, but not magic. actions still speak louder than words in the brain or affirmations in the mirror.

 but the more our actions express the energy of our intentions, the better. i wonder what could happen if we think (read: intend) that our workouts could connect us deeply to our bodies and our physical existence on this earth. or what if the exercise we're doing now could extend our mobility and capabilities in the long term? what if our next pilates and barre class really can lift our mood, expectations, potential, as well as our posterior chain?

on the flip side, what will our results be if we feel punished by our workouts? what are we accomplishing if we feel forced into a workout, or shitty about ourselves afterwards? if we're exercising to please someone or something else, or because we're feeling all the “shoulds” of modern life? 

spoiler alert: probably not what we want them to be.

it's worth considering in what other areas we can think ourselves towards - or, align the energy of our intentions with - our desired results. i always think back to a nike ad campaign from about 10 years ago that said things like, “your girlfriend lives in a 6th floor walkup. that counts.”

what if it all counts? how might we feel if we viewed our morning walk to the subway as a 5 block chance to de-stress? or if tidying up the house counted as calorie burn?

what counts to you, and how does that shape your results?

pilates in the courts

everything old is news again.

today i'm sharing a link to an important article from the new york times about the exercise methodology we all know & love: pilates.

while i reeeally want you to read it, i know not everyone subscribes to the times, so i'll sum it up briefly here:

• an extremely greedy, narcissistic and litigious physical therapist named sean gallagher is suing mary sullivan kelly, a pilates teacher & studio owner from boston, claiming she unlawfully used archival photos of joseph pilates on instagram. unlawful because he claims he owns the rights to them and that e v e r y o n e who wants to view or use these documents needs to pay him first. she has filed a countersuit that basically tells him to sit the f down.

• sean gallagher is preposterous, but it isn't the first time he's taken unsuspecting pilates people to court. back in the 90's, gallagher sent a cease & desist to every single pilates studio in the country that used the word pilates in its name claiming he owned the rights to it. and he sued ken endelman, the man behind balanced body (and who is equal parts brilliant and kind) in a case that gallagher lost in 1998. in 2000, a judge ruled that, for better or worse, the term pilates belongs to everyone (like yoga).

• you'd think that would be enough, but now gallagher claims he's somehow preserving joe's legacy by limiting others' access to & use of the archive. this is profoundly incorrect.

all mr. pilates wanted was for everyone in the world to do his method because he felt that it was the key to deep health. it's also true he wanted them to do it exactly as he did, and he created his extensive archive in the first place to help achieve this. pilates nerds everywhere rely on these photos for extensive debates about what the exact positioning is for an exercise. and pilates is, like any good movement tradition, an ever-changing thing.

but for one small and strange man to try to sabotage this goal is completely counter to what joe was after, even if mr. pilates would've been annoyed when we get creative with his method. archives are important, and by nature are not meant to be private.

it also highlights just one of the difficulties in preserving what is essentially an oral tradition over time, but that is the subject for another day. if you would you like to read more about dance research side of me/my master's degree, reply to this email with the word DANCE.

for those who do read the article, allow me to contextualize myself in the conversation: i know mary sullivan kelly. we finished our training at about the same time from romana kryzanowska's daughter, sari, at drago's gym with his septuagenarian gymnasts of the flying trapeze. sean gallagher is not representative of the classical pilates world at all. we were not allowed to even speak his name because there of the collective trauma he caused. and it is extremely concerning and frustrating that he's at it again.

what can you do? follow this account on instagram or #pilatestransparencyproject. let's keep the pilates in the pilates!

Hello BarreBabe,

I almost can't believe I'm in my 38th week of pregnancy... but here I am, waddling where I used to walk, avoiding shoes with laces, and rapidly running out of clothing choices that aren't actual potato sacks. Mr. Baby, who weighs about 6 of the 36 pounds I've gained, seems to be doing fine and is currently trying to kick and stretch his way out of my 42 inch belly. I'm praying he doesn't get any wild ideas and come too too early, but we just might have a Gemini on our hands, and I'm (mostly) ready.

I've felt pretty great for the past 9 months, but I have to admit that I am tired now, and the time has come to wind things down and just wait (and nap) until the little guy gets here. To welcome this new phase, I have for you a new playlist for your dancing pleasure, and a peek at the belly, in all its ginormous glory.

sound and vision

Check out my latest (and last, for awhile)BodyRhythm danceplaylist

and

this belly!

Like whoa, right?

Anyway... see you at the barre!
(a couple more times, at least :)

Annie

Hey, hey, Barrebabes!

It's me again, your favorite belly-bouncing barre teacher, who is now NINE MONTHS pregnant! Like whoa, right? I'm so pregs, I can even get a seat on the L train at rush hour. So today I have for you some potentially relevant lessons I've learned so far from being knocked up.

Pregnant Ponderings

I know I say it all the time, but I really have been pleasantly surprised by how much I've enjoyed being pregnant. Honestly, I'm not fully sure why I expected pregnancy to suck so much in the first place (maybe because of scary PSAs during the teen pregnancy "crisis" when I was in high school, or from my ballet background which seemed to indicate that having a baby would ruin both my figure and career, neither of which turned out to be anything that could be ruined as such). But instead of months of restriction, discomfort, limitation, and an unpleasant feeling of being inhabited by some mysterious squirmy alien, I've instead found new ability, special and abundant energy, and a deep sense of inner calm I've never really felt before. (I particularly enjoy the squirmy alien part, although it seems the little guy is currently trying to kick his way out through my belly button). Anyway, as I prepare to re-enter the non-pregnant world, I've been thinking a lot about how to maintain my tranquil vibes even after the auto-chill preggo hormones have subsided. Here's what I think:

1) avoiding excess is key - especially when it comes to partying. This is not to say I was a mega party girl before getting pregnant, especially not by New York standards, but I've always enjoyed hanging with friends and sometimes having an irresponsible amount of tequila. Obvi, since finding out about our little miracle, all that pretty much came to a halt, but I can't say I've minded too much. Rather, I've noticed a marked increase in energy, sense of balance, and get-after-it-ness, which I chalk up to the fact that I'm not forcing my liver, which is responsible for feelings of motivation as well as for fat & energy metabolization, to work overtime making up for late night margaritas and tipsy brunches. Now, I don't mind telling you that I enjoy a "French pregnancy" and have had a glass of wine with dinner when I've felt like it since the end of my first trimester. (This translates to about 3-4 drinks per week, tops.) But being one-and-done feels great, and of all the lessons I've learned in the past months, that's one I hope sticks. Life is just easier when you don't wake up sluggish or confused, let alone actually hungover. Added bonus: less drinking means less water weight/inflammation puffiness. I call it a win.

2) movement is embodied freedom. A heavy phrase, I know, for something that's ultimately just fun, but it really is! I've moved nearly every day throughout my pregnancy and I feel awesome because of it. The days I don't move as much, I feel certain aches and discomforts start to creep in, plus the baby loses his mind fidgeting. On the days I do move, I am calmer, taller, more energetic, and find it easier to breathe. At 9 months pregnant, I can still touch my toes, even if I can't actually see them, and can even jump, though I don't - much. And though I still train about 6 hours per week (down from a usual 10+), movement doesn't have to be an actual workout. To wit, dancing is my favorite, I credit barre class for the intact state of my butt through the past 9 months/30-odd pounds, and I absolutely love my Pilates lessons and daily walks, but even simple bouts of unstructured movement feel great: bouncing on a ball while watching movies with hubs, hip circles while I wait for the coffee to be ready, or rolling out my yoga mat when I wake up just to wiggle, stretch, and breathe. The point is that, especially if we already regularly take class most of the time, we don't necessarily have to do an epic amount of intense sweat sessions to reap the benefits of movement (although go for it, if that's your thing). Do what you love, challenge yourself when inspired to do so, and in the meantime, just enjoy doing something, however gentle or fun it might seem. In other words - it all counts.

3) rest is best - I know, I know, you've heard me say it before, but seriously, the power of prioritizing rest as a key part of well-being is unmatched by anything we can eat or not eat, how long or frequently we work out, etc. You may have heard the experts say the best rest is to go to sleep at 10pm and wake up at 6, and perhaps that's true (I honestly don't know. I've always been a night owl, except in the summers during high school when I worked on a farm at 5:30 am every day and had a curfew at night because I tended to misbehave.) However, that schedule is not very realistic for many New Yorkers, and I think it's easy to drive ourselves a little crazy trying to stick to daily recommendations that may or may not have anything to do with our actual lives. I'm lucky that, even pregnant, I maintain a siesta schedule, which is what feels best to me: I stay up late (around 1/1:30), wake up reasonably early (between 6:30 and 8, depending on the day), and nap in the afternoons, a glorious 30 minute to 1.5 hour near-daily appointment with my sofa under the skylight. I realize that's also not practical for many nine-to-fivers, so I offer this: rest isn't just about sleep, though sleep is delicious. Rest is just as much about clearing space in your schedule and life to do nothing, or at least nothing that's immediately productive. It's about putting your phone down for a few hours each day, about resisting the urge to respond to emails after 9pm, about easing up on your weekend and free time schedule. It's about taking a walk, or putting your feet up, or simply freeing yourself from feeling like you have to be "on" all the time.

Basically, I think pregnancy requires caring for yourself, being really nice to yourself, and being gentle. For me, this has meant releasing a lot of the external pressures I tend to place on myself so I can better listen to what I need. This in turn has made me both happier and even a little bit better at life than I was before (although the baby brain struggle is real, y'all). Anyway babes, I hope this is useful to you, pregs or no. And you know I can't wait to...

See you at the barre!

Annie

Hey hey Barrebabes!

pilates and the pelvis

I've been steady studying for my upcoming feat of athleticism known as childbirth, and my mind is continually blown by the intricacy and beauty of our bodies. While I know most of you are not exactly in mama land just yet, and many others have been-there-done-that already, I have found a couple things that I think are relevant to all our lady barrebods, and dude bods too, for that matter.

Now, try not to squirm. I know in fitness world, we don't often talk about the muscles of the pelvic floor, but considering how important they are, I'm beginning to think that we should. Generally speaking, Pilates and barre class, when done well, automatically train this area to be strong and toned, but it is wise to be mindful about our exercises precisely because they are effective. It's possible to overdo it and cause unintended consequences, and since nothing makes this fact more real than imminent childbirth, I figure it's best to discuss sooner rather than later. Like I always say, exercise is medicine, and as such, the type and dosage must be carefully and appropriately prescribed.

Some things to look out for:
1)Overtraining abs/"hourglass" waist without corresponding training of the pelvic floor. Intense contracting inwards of the abdominal muscles, much like we do in barre class, can put downward pressure on the pelvic organs, muscles, ligaments and connective tissue, which in the extreme could potentially lead to trouble down the road (think pain, rupture, pee leaks). This is why even the super-fit can sometimes struggle with pelvic troubles, and also why I emphasize "rest to reset" proper form when we're working out - in part so we don't unintentionally strain something we didn't even know we had.

2)Your abs are not your pelvic floor. It is key to be able to differentiate between them so you don't unwittingly rely on the abs to do the work of the pelvic floor muscles (newsflash: they can't). Think of setting a bag of groceries on a small hammock. The hammock is necessary to hold up the entire contents of the bag (your abs) and the bag itself - that's your pelvic floor - and also the bag must be strong so things don't spill out into the hammock, or, heaven forbid, through the, uh, holes in the weave and onto the ground. You can also imagine how overstretch or strain of a hammock thread would be a problem, no matter how strong & tight the grocery bag is.

3)Coordination is key.Of the pelvic floor muscles with the abs, that is. To prevent excess downward pressure on the pelvic floor, it's important to start both breath and abdominal exercises at the very bottom of the torso, which is the perineum and pelvic floor. Visualizing each exhale as starting from the base of you will help engage and lift the pelvic floor muscles before or alongside the contraction of the abs. I realize this sounds contradictory to #2 above. In other words, try not to relax the muscles of your pelvic floor when exercising your abs, and conversely, try not to work other muscles like abs or glutes when you're trying to focus on the pelvic floor. More specifics on all of this coming soon!

In the meantime, Pilates and barre is great for all of these concerns because of the emphasis on breath (I'll explain later) and mindful connection to your body. Another gentle option is the practice of hip circles, my favorite thing, because you are bringing circulation, awareness, tone, and a little sass to the whole area, which will help facilitate both differentiation and coordination down the road. And not to worry - chances are, you're already working in this area just fine (I believe that I am, considering how well my "hammock" is supporting this ever-growing bag of precious, wiggly groceries). For those curious about the anatomy involved, check out The Female Pelvis by Blandine Calais-Germain, which is my main text of study.

Pelvis Power

Here are three exercises I've adapted from my bible on this subject, The Female Pelvis, by Blandine Calais-Germain. Now, just because it says female doesn't mean these exercises aren't good for the guys as well - dudes as well as babes need strength & connection down there ( and I'm sure you can surmise all the good things that can happen when we're a little more in touch with our, um, special spots.)

1) Contract abs without pelvic floor (a.k.a. what NOT to do in class). Lie on your back with knees bent, feet flat, and take a few deep breaths to relax and focus. Inhale deeply, and on your next exhale make a hiss (SSSSSSS) sound with your breath. Relax your pelvic floor muscles (meaning roughly anything you can sense between your pubic bone and tail bone) but feel how your abs will naturally draw inwards on the exhale. Repeat this a few times, hissing all the while or trying a FFFFFFFF or HHHHHHHHa sound, and you'll start to feel how the inward contraction of the abs can actually press down on the pelvic floor, which is not what we want. Perhaps try it with a cough to feel a little of why we don't want to reinforce this internal movement pattern. (Don't do it if you've recently given birth, are in your third trimester, or have any pain whatsoever, K? Can also be done sitting up straight or eventually in a squat, but is probs easier to feel laying down.)

2) Contract the pelvic floor without the abs (a.k.a. kegels 2.0). From the same position, take a few breaths and envision the breath, particularly the exhale, starting from the pelvic floor. Your deepest pelvic muscles will contract naturally on your exhale, but these can be a bit harder to sense, so add a "drawing together and up" feeling in between the thighs and sitting bones to turn on the muscles that we can better control. When you feel the upward contraction reach the ab muscles, stop. Try your hisses, ffffs, and hhhhhhhhas, maybe even a cough or two. It's good to practice this a little so you know that your abs are not your pelvic floor and vice versa, but rather that they work together purposefully and beautifully. If you're not sure, use a hand to sense what's happening down there (or try with a special friend if you like a collabo ;)*

*If you're a lady, try not to overly squeeze or clench the vag muscles as instructed in classic kegels. Rather, focus on lifting them gently upwards, like an elevator rising. It turns out that these muscles are actually pretty superficial (meaning, in this context, close to the surface) to the whole pelvic floor system, and are not even the most important ones to this kind of work (or to childbirth, for that matter.)

3) Coordinate yourself (aka what we should be doing in every Pilates & barre class pretty much all the time). From the same position, breathe from the base of your pelvis and begin the inward upward muscular engagement from the same spot you did in the exercise above. This time, contract the low belly muscles along with the pelvic floor - making sure to start with the pelvic floor - but don't go above the level of the navel. Add in your sound effects and check in with your hands to be sure. Once you get the coordination, focus also on relaxing all the muscles, starting from the pelvic floor, because relaxation is a key part of building strength, balance and awareness in all aspects of exercise, no matter where we're working. Try to relax on the inhale and let the exhale contract and lift you.

The previous three exercises provide a base from which you can experiment, adding tucks of the hips, say, or hip circles, or upper ab curls, or bending knees into the chest and pressing on thighs with hands. Or simply come to barre class and utilize your newfound knowledge of your nether regions in all our sequences, particularly in ab sections and booty work. As always, ask me any questions that come up, and I promise not to be weirded out by any TMI :)tunes!

Check out May's playlists for some ear love:

may barre
may bodyrhythm

See you at the barre, babes!
Annie

on stress and what to do about it

stressedessert

lately, i’ve been feeling more stressed and sad than usual, which has made it hard for me to write and share anything intelligent, heartfelt, or useful with you. i am aware that my life is easy and sheltered and that i have everything i’ve ever wanted (along with a healthy desire & drive for more). and i’m actively grateful for that, but even so, pretty much every day is a blend of thinking “wow! what a wonderful life!” and also throwing up my hands, crying in my bedroom and staring at the wall contemplating the right-wing abyss this country is sliding into, this decidedly dystopian nightmare of hypocrisy and greed and avoidable climate disaster. (also the constant construction, junkie presence and lack of parking. those things don’t help.)

my external stress is the same as many people's. reading the news as a mother/caring citizen causes a particularly depressing existential crisis, and i have loved ones who are very sick and it completely breaks my heart. i am enraged and terrified about literally everything in the news as of late. but at the same time, i can’t deny that right now, within the walls of our apartment, we are blessed with health and a fairly low-stress existence. i look around at all the wonderful things i have going in my life and am truly grateful, even gleeful, about them, but part of me feels guilty for having so much, or like i’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for things to go south, for our turn for misery. i see war and danger and cruelty and hypocrisy everywhere and have trouble reconciling how my actual life is pretty safe and calm. 

(someone did nearly crash their car into our living room, but luckily disaster was averted by a fence and a row of garbage cans.)

and as for internal stress: i just haven't been feeling great about myself lately. i try to spare you the whinier parts of my internal monologue, but the truth is, there are times when my flaws seem to multiply and my strengths dwindle in comparison. body positivity is a practice, y’all, and my progress with it is hardly linear. the old demons of body dysmorphia, conditional self confidence and guilt around food and size and cellulite are tough to exorcise. (sidenote: is anybody watching “physical” on apple tv+? i'm obsessed).

in my profession, it can be easy to let negative thoughts about one's muffin top morph into profound impostor syndrome and professional self-doubt. how can i possibly be selling fitness when clearly i am such a trainwreck? why would anyone take my advice? 

don't worry. these are not my only thoughts on this subject and i don't let them win. i'm just being honest for context.

and then every day around 3:30pm, i have to fight to leave all that stress outside and focus on creating a peaceful environment where my kids can feel safe and silly and loved and have room to be themselves.

it takes everything to do this.

anyway, we all have external and internal stress, and instead of plunging headfirst into bottles of wine and netflix every day, we need actionable, useful coping strategies. the cause of the stress itself might be too big for us to solve, but there is always something positive, however small, that can be done. 

for my particular internal stress, in the past i would’ve restricted food until i felt i was doing something right, or until i realized it wasn’t working, whichever came first. now though, i am aware that restriction begets excess so instead of restricting, i add a healthful practice instead. so i aim for an extra vegetable for dinner, or i add protein, fiber or fat to a carby indulgence, or fit in a quick cardio workout to a light teaching day. i remind myself there’s no need to suffer to feel healthy and whole, and since i’m not denying myself much of anything, my psyche doesn’t rebel with cravings or overindulgence. i literally feel better from satiety, nutrients and endorphins, and while progress might be slow, the feeling of balance alone is encouraging (not to mention my cycle gets better and increasingly pain-free). 

and as for the big things that prey on my heart and mind, i just try to do what i can. i reduce, reuse and recycle. i turn off lights when i leave the room and use green products. i give money to causes i believe in, even small amounts. i vote. i teach my children kindness, inclusivity, and critical thinking. i am mindful of my words and the energy i share with others. i am motivated by working with women to help them feel healthy, connected to themselves, and in control of their lives. i try to help and try not to hurt. i clean my house, frequently and imperfectly. it’s not enough, but it’s something, and i don’t feel it’s in vain, even if the big decisions are truly in the greedy, clammy hands of lawmakers and corporations.

also, i make this chocolate hummus, which, even though it sounds disgusting, is a delicious way to sneak protein and fiber into my children under the guise of a treat and is a satisfying “hippie dessert” for me as well. here it is:

1 can of chickpeas

4 tbsp dutch cocoa powder

4 tbsp maple syrup

pinch of salt

splash of vanilla

a tbsp + water

drain and thoroughly rinse chickpeas. i shell them to make the hummus super light and easy to digest. blend until smooth in a food processor or blender, adding cocoa, maple syrup, vanilla and salt. add a little water to make it smoother. enjoy with strawberries, as a spread on brioche, or however you damn well please :)

that's it for now, my loves. as always, thanks for reading, keep pulsing and stay gold!

Hiya Babes!

barrebod going pro

Last Saturday was particularly special as it marked the first official BarreBod training, and I was so honored to have such rad people come to learn. It was huge for me to share with everyone about my very favorite class to teach. Not only is it a step towards increasing the number & quality of barre classes at Chalk, it is also a great way to cultivate awesome teachers for my maternity leave. Everyone wins! Here's some shots from the afternoon:

Photos: Noni Culotta

You deserve it (?)

I recently "celebrated" my Thirty Five Alive birthday (and by recently, I mean yesterday :). "Celebrated" is in quotes because I didn't really tell anyone about it or do much of anything differently than usual. While I'm totally happy turning another year and have exactly zero hangups about my age, for once I just really didn't feel like planning anything. I'm so busy these days working, preparing to move, and just being pregnant that I deep down preferred not to celebrate. Maybe it's a practicality born of age, but it honestly sounded better just to keep my nose to the grindstone than take time and energy for a party at which I couldn't drink or a massage whose effects I will undo in the next intense week or so.

Now, I'm not trying to wrangle any boo-hoos from you. Quite the contrary! Not only did Mr. Roddancerbod elevate me from the usual princess to queen in terms of birthday treatment, lots of lovely friends wished me happy birthday and made me feel special. Most said something to the tune of, "Eat something sinful and delicious - you deserve it!" or "Hope you enjoy a day off - you deserve it!" And I of course appreciate the sentiments, but it got me thinking about the idea of indulgence.

What actually makes something indulgent, and therefore special? I have so much of what I love in my daily life that there's really nothing to take a break from or do much differently. I'm the kind of person who would still do my job if I won the lottery, so a day off isn't exactly that much of a treat (although I am loving my newfound Saturday aka Monday!) And I'm skeptical of the implied "sinfulness" of this idea of indulgence. Maybe it's a lesson learned from being pregnant when my go-to indulgences are out of the question such as sushi feasting, champagne and oysters at midday, or staying up late drinking margaritas with all my friends, but the things I most want for myself these days are to have the space to do what's best for me and in the right amount.

Like, it's great to have a glass of champagne, but before an evening workout when it'll only give me a headache or a bad mood? Doesn't exactly sound fun. Also, having not had a hangover in 9 months or so, I can say with authority I would like never ever to have one again. If the indulgence causes discomfort, is it really that indulgent to begin with? Or cake. Too much makes everything go out of whack, and even pregnant people have to watch their sugar intake. I think the better indulgence wish would be to have exactly the amount of something we truly love at a time when we can fully enjoy it, no?

Anyway babes, I wish you all the best until I...

See you at the barre!

Annie

Hiya Barrebabes!

Your friendly pregnant barre teacher here with a few words about Pilates & barre and pregnancy, and some music for your ears.

a barre, a ball, and a bump 

For obvious reasons, I've had baby bumps on the brain recently, so while I realize many of you aren't anywhere in the life vicinity of having a baby, I offer the following thoughts for the back of your mind, your future self, or your sister/cousin/daughter/best girl bud.

• Exercise, providing there aren't any overriding complications, is great for pregnant people and helps with myriad aspects of the process of growing a baby, including the recovery afterward. I have seen this in nearly all of my dance teachers over the years and in my fellow dancers and fitness instructors, so to me it is pretty much second nature to keep up my training and modify appropriately. If you're already working out - awesome - keep it up! If not, remember that the movement practice you build today will serve you when you most need it tomorrow.

• Of course I, a movement teacher, would be an advocate for exercise during pregnancy (duh) but I am also trained in pre- & post-natal fitness through the American Council on Exercise, and they wholeheartedly agree with me. However, they wisely stipulate that pregnancy is not really the time to START a new exercise program if you don't already have one, which in Annie speak means that it is a good idea to cultivate your body awareness and get to know your capabilities BEFORE the drastic changes pregnancy brings. It's imperative to listen to your body always, but especially during these magical 9 months and afterwards. It's the time to maintain, to invigorate, to strengthen and balance, but also to ease up when you need to (and occasionally even skip a workout for the sake of a nap.)

• For the reasons above and approximately a million more, barre training is FANTASTIC for pregnancy. I've seen it in my own beautiful barrebabes making babies and am now feeling it myself. There's the mind/body awareness that we practice in barre class; the balanced approach to strength and flexibility, grace and balance and overall toning; the small, specific movements within a safe range of motion that makes strong, balanced mama bodies; the overall well-being that comes from a rad workout, and all the squats, pliés and abs even help with birth and recovery. Moreover, it's pretty easy to modify barre moves as necessary for expecting mamas, and it is easy to self-regulate in class, meaning that when it feels intense, we can simply back off a little. It's also effective enough to "work" even if we need to take breaks to rest or chill for a sec and drink water. Class has been so helpful for me to feel good in my body, and while I can't prevent all the "symptoms" of pregnancy, barre has helped me to maintain a good deal of energy throughout the past 20 weeks and stay out of pain for the most part (so far). All of that said...

• Even the fittest barremama will likely reach a point in her pregnancy where a typical barre class just doesn't make sense to do. I wouldn't necessarily recommend jumping into my barre class to a brand-new mama just getting back to her workouts after her birth recovery, either. For this, Pilates is the key (as it is to so many wonderful mysteries) Pilates is a new mom's go-to exercise format for good reason. Private sessions are uniquely tailored to her body and are designed to incorporate a little strength, a little stretch, breathing, and a whole lot of deep connections in each exercise, performed safely and specifically under the watchful eye of her instructor. Plus, it targets certain crucial muscle groups for mamas, like those of the pelvis, not only to increase their strength and tone but to integrate them the rest of the body so everything begins to work more smoothly, in concert together. Also, you know the pregnant chicks who are so fit-looking you can't tell they're pregnant from the back? Yeah, they do Pilates.

music

Here's two recent playlists for your workouts, dance parties, or simple curiosity and listening pleasure :) I'm annieforeal on Spotify, so come check out my random-yet-rad collections ;)

Barre
BodyRhythm

That's it for this week, loves. See you at the studio!

Be well,
Annie

Dear Strong and Beautifuls,

Fitness and health is about so much more than weight loss, thigh gap, and bikini bodies, but it is very much about feeling comfortable in our own skin and working towards total confidence and wellbeing. To that end, and because this is a complaint I've been hearing about a lot lately, I humbly submit my personal method to identify eating habits that aren't working for you and shifting them towards those that do. Remember, I'm not a nutritionist, so these really are my personal tips (and the program I plan to follow next fall when I'm trying to get my jeans to fit again).

- Identify the culprit(s). Write down what you consume and how it makes you feel, bearing in mind that noticing how and when you eat and how you feel afterwards is as important as what you're actually eating and how much. Scarfing a burrito waiting for the subway is, for many of us, a shortcut to a stomach ache and belly bloat - not to mention kinda gross - whereas the same burrito, enjoyed morsel by morsel, sitting down, actually just covered all your food groups and delivered a bunch of useful nutrients, energy, and pleasure to your brain & bod. It's the same with wine - chugging a bottle solo watching an episode of Friends is different than sipping the same bottle over a few hours giggling with actual friends, no?

- Write down everything you consume for a few weeks (i use Notes on my iphone, but putting actual pen to paper is good, too) and then do weekly assessments. This could mean trading food journals with a buddy, seeing her take on your habits and vice versa, counting culprits by tallying how many times that week you ate pizza or drank beer, or simply noting your mood and constitution after eating or drinking. The biggest clue that the food itself or the way it was consumed is a problem for you is if you have stomach issues, including visible belly bloat, or feel crappy after eating it - including if you feel depressed, tired, or hungry.

- Count up food groups or types and use that info to steer you towards improvements. For instance, if I ate wheat 20 times in a week and vegetables 7, I can clearly identify an imbalance and take steps to correct. Armed with quantifiable data, it's much easier to decide between the quesadilla and the salad, or to dessert or just nibble some fruit. Plus, it's fun to set little goals for yourself and track your improvements, such as knocking a few drinks off the weekly tally or eating vegetables more than grains and starches.

As you get to know your patterns, you'll find ways to make informed decisions that change as you do, and while it takes a little mindfulness, it's not exactly what I would call difficult to do. I definitely wouldn't call it a diet, which is often a temporary change with temporary effects. Everyone is different and so are her needs and tastes in food & fitness, so get to know yourself before the next juice cleanse, elimination diet, or keto week.

*

ME as an example!

It's open to interpretation how you want to count, but I've found that a bit of simple data analysis gives me a clear idea of what I'm actually eating and how it works for me - i.e., its effects on my digestion, energy, and how it makes me feel overall. For me, it's been helpful to count food groups (vegetables, fruits, grains, protein, fats, sugar) to see what my "culprits" are, culprits being things that don't agree with me, aren't in line with how I want to be eating, or are just plain excessive. I can also see how frequently I'm having them, or if there's just some imbalances that need correcting. Once I've figured out what the culprits are, I tend to break down my categories even further. For instance, this is usually what my tally list looks like, with my 3 culprits listed first:

Sugar - normally 3, now about 7
Booze - well, not anymore
Wheat - normally 4, more like 8 while pregnant
Legumes - 3
Dairy - 17 (includes Greek yogurt)
Red Meat - 3
Poultry - 5
Fish/seafood - 4
Eggs - 2
Rice, potatoes, corn, gluten-free grains & starches - 11
Veggies - 17
Fruit - 10
Other (usually includes the occasional protein bar, whey protein powder, nuts, random grains, pork, or something else that doesn't fit neatly into the other categories because I don't often eat it).

For me, any more detail gets overwhelming, but to each her own. Since I've been pregnant, I've started tallying my workout hours as well. The numbers are not meant to be a guideline for you, just a glimpse into what I'm up to :)

cut the culprits
Now you know what you're eating, what you could be eating more/less of, and have a general snapshot of your actual diet. So what's next? It's a little different for everyone, but it seems that for many of us fitness-minded healthy babes who are still struggling with low energy, belly bloat, a few nagging pounds, joint pain, skin problems, etc., there are a few top typical culprits. Obvi, I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose you, so please take the following tips for what they are, which is lessons learned from my personal experience and research. Listen to your body and trust it - it will always tell you the truth, and nothing that I or Oprah or Gwyneth Paltrow say should supersede that.

That said, my personal method is to attack the culprits in a particular order, rather than scrap them altogether and feel frustrated, deprived, or imbalanced. Here's the first phase of my strategy:

1) Nix sugar first. It seems to me that sugar wreaks more havoc on the body than any other single substance (except booze, but if you're drinking like many of us consume sugar, that is a topic for a different newsletter. I'm pretty sure even the party girls aren't lacing their lattes with whiskey every day or ending each meal with a tequila shot treat. Not unless you're on vacation, anyway). The unscientific way of understanding this is to recognize that sugar and sweeteners are processed (yes, including agave nectar and Sugar in the Raw), which makes their effects on the body extra intense compared to naturally sweet stuff. Even a small amount can throw your blood sugar and hormones temporarily but meaningfully out of whack. When you're trying to regulate and balance, the last thing you want is a major upset to your system.

Because of this tendency to abnormally spike blood sugar and disrupt hunger hormones, sugar is pretty much the only thing for which I advocate the cold turkey approach. I vow to remove it entirely for a week and see how far I get before someone offers me a cookie I can't refuse - usually 3 days will do the trick. In the meantime, I make a couple other small changes that make this process easier:

1) I replace sugar things with fat - such as taking my coffee with a little cream or half & half instead of sugar. This helps satiate the belly and the palate with no major effect on blood sugar. I'll also add healthy fats to all my meals such as avocado slices, butter on steamed vegetables, or nibbling a little cheese or olives to keep me full and feeling level and energetic.

2) I put off eating or drinking anything sugary or that has a sugar-like effect in the body (aka something that rapidly raises blood sugar), including fruit, grains, and starches until later in the day. I don't actually eat low-carb or even grain-free, I just save it for later, usually post workout. I often eat fruit before night classes because my particular body practically yells for it every late afternoon, but I abstain when I'm trying to recalibrate.

These are temporary sacrifices. This restriction isn't meant to last forever, so after you've recalibrated your internal balance and really gotten to know what does and doesn't work for you, it is perfectly good and reasonable to eat fruit or carby things whenever you want or need them. I've just found this take-no-prisoners approach to be a helpful method for sugar detoxing, which is the first and, for many of us, the most crucial step.

(FYI, I'm not doing any of this while pregnant except limiting sugar, kind of. These days, I have to eat carbs all day long or Mr. Baby lets me know he needs them!)

*

In our world, food and choices about what and how to eat are so plentiful that it's easy to find ourselves mired in too much advice, conflicting strategies, unhealthy habits, and harsh self-criticism about how "good" or "bad" we've been. Rather than follow the latest gospel of "healthy" eating (although I do like to stay up on recent research), I think it's important to remember that everyBODY is different and that the best way to improve your health through food is to understand what you, as an individual, need.

That's the real foundation for why I keep track of what I consume, note how it makes me feel, and try to identify patterns therein. After we get a handle on what's what, it's actually pretty easy to see where we can make adjustments to suit our lifestyle and current needs that are often more pleasurable than they are painful or difficult. Aside from sugar, which I discussed a few weeks ago (hit me up if you'd like a recap and I'll resend), the order of what you trim and how is pretty much up to you. I'd bet if you're paying attention, you already have some ideas of how to adjust things to get them to work for you (if not, I'm more than happy to help). Here's a few more common culprits and triggers I've noticed in myself and others and my ideas for how to deal with them:

wheat. So delicious, so prevalent, and so not necessary to eat every day. I don't demonize gluten (for non-Celiacs) except insofar as it's a sticky plant protein that is inherently rather difficult to digest and can cause chronic low-grade inflammatory responses in many people. I think of a wheat product as a great source of carbohydrate energy that is not a great source of actual nutrients. If I'm trying to reset my system, lose a few lbs., or clear up my skin & my mind, I skip it entirely. I also tend to limit things that pretend to be wheat, like gluten-free breads & pastries. Otherwise, I save it for special-ish occasions and things I really love, like fresh pasta a couple times a month or that flaky paratha bread at Café Mogador. (Until I got pregnant, that is - now me & Mr. Baby's carb needs outweigh any qualms I have with wheat, so I just eat the darn gluten for simplicity's sake and deal with it.)

dairy. If dairy doesn't work for you and that makes you sad, here's a few adjustments I've made that can help. (If you're allergic, though, you'll have to check with a nutritionist or doctor before giving these a whirl. Duh.) First, get choosy about your sources. Organic is good, but grass-fed is better. Milk from grass-fed animals has a very different (better) nutrient profile and just might not mess with your insides like the regs does. Also, keep the fat. I can attest from experience that eating lowfat yogurt for breakfast used to bum me out because I'd always be hungrier after and I never understood what the rage was all about. Then I discovered the satisfying near-decadence of full-fat Greek yogurt. Major life-changer for me and has saved me throughout my pregnancy - just a few spoonfuls do the trick. Plus, lowfat dairy has been linked to diabetes. Nope, not kidding. Go ahead and Google it if you're curious.

corn, ancient grains, and other staple starches. Other people who are smarter and more well-researched than I am have written about corn (namely Michael Pollan) but in our gluten-fee fad world, it seems to me that corn is still considered to wear a silky golden halo. Friends, corn is a grain, and like any other grain, it contains a great deal of energy, not necessarily a fantastic amount of nutrients, and can be quite difficult to digest, which results in ultimately mucking up your system. Same goes for quinoa, amaranth, and rice, to name a few. My food tracking has taught me that quinoa sits in my stomach like a brick (plus, not for nothing, I just don't like it) and also that I simply feel better when grains are less than a quarter of what I eat in a day or even none at all. It's not that I don't eat rice and corn - I most definitely do - but I try not to rely on them overmuch and try eat more real vegetables instead. I love fresh corn and corn salsa but try to avoid the processed kind, saving tortilla chips for Mexican restaurants and sticking carrots and zucchini slices in my guacamole at home. However, I do frequently eat rice and rice noodles and I'll tell you why: I digest rice well, it burns clean, and being a dancer/fitness instructor/New Yorker, I. Need. Carbs. And so do you. (The trick is to find which ones agree with you best.)

The moral of the story here is there's really no "bad" foods or one "right" way to eat, and you may be the total opposite of me. These are just ideas on how to strike a balance that makes you feel good. For me, I tend to save my favorite indulgences for just that - occasional indulgences - which are enjoyed without guilt or shame because I know that the rest of the time I eat in a way that works for me. I don't miss treats on the days I don't eat them, but you can bet I eat flour tortillas and chips & queso when I'm in Texas, croissant and baguette when I'm in a French bakery, and throughout my pregnancy, a reasonable amount of pumpernickel bagels and hot pizza slices. I also eat vegetables at nearly every meal and don't eat sugar in anything that isn't overtly a dessert. A few adjustments here and there, learning to make choices that please you and work for you, and generally striving to understand your personal balance will have awesome effects.

Stay Rad,

Annie

rest is best

it's just about the eve of my “vacation,” and i am feeeeeling it, y'all. i'm getting increasingly (& frustratingly) forgetful, i'm spinning my wheels ever deeper in the mud pit of my to-do list, and am more easily overwhelmed (and occasionally teary) than usual.

i believe the word is “tired.”

 i'm happy, i'm stoked, i'm fine - but i'm also tired.

and this kind of tired is about more than how much sleep i didn't get or how many times i've played spiderman or wrestled with two copper-haired monkeys jumping on the bed. it's the kind that, if left for too long unattended, can lead to burnout, sickness, or even just undue emotional strife. i remember how i used to get sick immediately after finals every. single. semester. or how hitting traffic in the last few miles of a long road trip (read: driving home to brooklyn from anywhere, anytime) can make a person literally sob with frustration or totally freak with road rage. my current version of this is a touch of plantar fasciitis and cripplingly sore hip flexors, sure signals from my body that it's time to chill.

endurance is a thing, whether in cardio or childcare, that we can't assume we're born with. most of us need to train for endurance and it doesn't happen all at once. honestly, considering i haven't taken a week off since last christmas and didn't start to crumble until a few days ago, my endurance is actually pretty good. i'm lucky/privileged enough to be able to take time away from work and the day-to-day grind. and i know that just as muscles grow not during the workout but in recovery, so will my mothering, multitasking and entrepreneurial skills recoup in the next couple weeks. rest is best.

and while solo parenting two small carsick-prone kids on a road trip to visit multiple family members is hardly a restful activity, i want to do it, and i know that i'll be refreshed afterwards, once again radiant with patience, emanating bubbly encouragement, and full of hustle.

till then, babes, stay cool, and keep being your creative, kind, curious and totally rad selves. see you in september!

cue redo

do you, not the cue

how we say something can be more important than what we're actually saying, and this is true whether we're talking to our toddlers, partners, coworkers or fitness classes. i've written before about how certain common movement cues produce less than optimal results - in my own body and in my clients' as well - and today i'm digging in a little deeper as to why that is and what to do about it.

the first thing to understand is that in pilates and barre, as in life, nothing exists in a vacuum. meaning, just because an exercise might target a specific muscle or muscle group, the entire body from nose to toes participates in executing the movement. i call it integrate to isolate, and what i mean by that is to organize our limbs through center and mentally check in everywhere to best perform even the simplest bicep curl. so when a teacher repeatedly cues “belly button to spine" in a roll up and doesn't mention the other, very real actions of the hips, back or or pelvic floor, a whole lot of information and muscle activation is missed. 

over time, this can lead to imbalance, overuse and even weakening of certain muscles. i see it in clients all the time. someone complains to me of hip flexors taking over or having trouble finding their low abs or having crunchy shoulders and i can almost guarantee it's because of how they were taught to move. a willingness to undo old cues you don't need anymore is just as important as being receptive to new ones. not saying it's easy, but it is important. for me, i had to actually let go of my core, and all the cues it had embodied over the years, a lot before i could understand how to better engage it and use its powers for good. pregnancy helped, but i also consciously had to quiet the classical pilates/ballet teacher in my head telling me there was only one way to do it. 

the problem is that we think it's our fault. we think that we're weak, unfit, that we “just don't get it” or are somehow relegated to doing modified versions of exercises forever. hear me now: it's not that you're weak, and you're definitely not stupid. it's that you're strong, and you were told how to do something and you did that cue just as well as you could. and the cue probably wasn't wrong either - it just wasn't the whole story. 

it is imperative that you actually feel the movement in your body and develop the ability to talk to your muscles so, at the very least, you can rephrase for them what your instructor is saying. my advice is that if you don't feel it when your abs are being cued, back off the cue, adjust your pelvis, and take a breath. look with your eyes or hands or mind-body awareness and find your own way into the movement. try what your instructor is suggesting, receive their corrections with curiosity and openness, but don't take their words as the gospel (unless it's me and i'm trying to help you get a great hip hinge 😂).

again, in pilates & barre, as in life, it's best to take just what you need and leave the rest. 

explore

try this: have a seat on the floor with knees bent, feet on mat, hands behind thighs. now pull your belly button back to your spine and feel what happens. just live here for a few breaths. see how it feels to move air around in your back. check in with shoulders, hips, neck, and belly. release and sit up tall again.

now try this: from the same seated position, curl your tailbone up into the front of your pelvis and send your hips towards your heels. bring your pubic bone towards your navel and pull everything in between towards your low back. stay here for a few breaths. check in with shoulders, hips, neck, and belly. 

feel the difference? 

i'd love to hear what you think, how it feels, or if there's a cue or two you'd like to have my edit on. come on into the studio, or heck, just hit reply and let me know!

that's it for today, babes, stay cool ✌️

pelvic floor work - no kegels required.

today i have for you some unsolicited advice about your pelvic floor and why getting right with those mysterious muscles is important. unfortunately, until very recently the good ol' pelvic floor was a taboo subject kept absent from everything from fitness to postnatal care to sex ed - even though at least 50% of postpartum women experience pelvic floor issues, and not for nothing, we ALL originally come from a human pelvis.

and no, you're not off the hook if you're not having babies, having a planned c-section (it's not “just” childbirth that contributes to pfm problems), or don't identify as a woman. we all have pelvic floors and will hopefully reach advanced age someday, when our decades of work, movement, emotions, experiences, habits and stress can accumulate into all kinds of aches & pains, dysfunctions and problems in the pelvic floor and elsewhere.

not to mention, this incredible area is home to our root chakra, our deepest source of self and strength and creative force. it's where all human lives begin, a bony bowl containing womb and guts, eggs and seeds, the junction of the top & bottom of the body.the point is - the pelvic floor shouldn't be a specialty topic, a whispered secret, or an add-on workshop. it IS core strength. it IS a deep full breath. it's key to true fitness and, take it from a pre & postnatal exercise professional and mother of 2, you don't want to wait until there's an issue to get hip to what's happening between your hips.

the internet + pelvic floor

when i was pregnant with my first baby - 5 years ago from the time of writing this, actually - i had to really dig to find information on the pelvic floor, and to learn about what in the name of jumping jacks was about to happen to mine. the pelvic floor seemed to begin and end with kegels, and that's as far it went. now, at least on my instagram feed, there are hundreds of experts and reels and programs and gadgets galore to support pelvic floor health and other pre/postnatal conditions. and this is great - truly, it's a step in the right direction! - but i still see clients who are mystified as to why the “method” they just paid for isn't working for them and why, months and years after childbirth, they are still dealing with issues like leaking, pain, or tightness. people who are doing all the kegels in all the ways and are still suffering.

and it really is suffering.

when such a deep, integral part of you isn't right, it's incredibly disorienting, confusing, and distracting. as i mentioned before, pelvic floor muscles are literally the deepest part of our core and surround our root chakra, which carries with it an integral sense of selfhood and creativity. lack of connection and control, pain, risk of embarrassment, all of these things can very much take their toll on our psyche. coupled with extreme life changes like having a baby (or becoming older and less independent) the psychological effects of pelvic floor issues can be devastating, not least because stress itself is a major contributor to pelvic floor problems.

real talk

i'm speaking from my own experience, as well as from my training, research and what my clients have shared with me. i have never felt so vulnerable as i did after giving birth to my first child. it was as if i'd been opened up and not put back together (and i didn't even tear, prolapse or have a c-section.) i felt shame from some dumb internal monologue i had about being a pilates professional and still being unable to fully prevent these issues or “fix” myself. also, i was deeply frustrated with the postures of early motherhood that result in even more downward and outward pressure on this area (holding, feeding and caring for tiny humans is a flexion-intensive situation for the spine, hips and shoulders.) as much as i had studied, prepared, and pilates-ized myself, i felt unprepared for this particular reality (of being a normal human woman) and, coupled with the terror of being a new parent, i felt uncertain of myself, nervous and afraid, pretty much all the time.

but, after awhile, things got better. partially on their own, because the body just needs time to heal itself and do its thing, and partially because i set about a patient process of healing myself from a full-body perspective. it took a bit of time, but this turned out to be effective so that by the time i had my second baby, 3 years later, i managed to do so with virtually zero postpartum pelvic floor issues, DR or low back pain. since then, i am pleased to report that i still haven’t had any pain or leaking and have resumed all physical activities including trampoline jumping and running (sometimes). also, while this tidbit is probably tmi, i even still use the same size menstrual cup as before babies (!).

and it wasn't kegels that accomplished all this

kegels are the oft-cited go-to exercise for pelvic floor health named for the gynecologist that “discovered” them. they are a squeeze of the superficial pelvic floor muscles (think vagina, perineum, anus), referred to as such because they are superficial in relation to the deeper layers of pelvic floor muscles (there are two deeper levels , in fact). personally i prefer to call them lifts or squeezes because i refuse to credit some dude doctor with finding the strength of my pelvic floor (although - fun fact - he and i have the same birthday.)

but here’s the thing - while it’s a useful life skill to be able to contract and hold pelvic floor muscles, it’s not the only (or even the most effective) way to heal, strengthen and support the pelvic floor. in fact, some teachers even suggest not to cue lifting and squeezing from the pelvic floor because it interrupts the natural recruitment of the deep pelvic floor muscles, which we don’t control with our minds. it’s like placing a paper bag of groceries on a hammock - yes, the hammock must be strong enough to contain the bag, but if the bag isn’t strong, the groceries will still spill.

honestly, i do still cue a pelvic floor lift, especially for pre & postnatal women, because it’s important to connect to our bodies and work towards a sense of calm control. but there’s a little more to it than that.

when kegels fail, there’s a few reasons why:

• some pelvic floor issues stem from hypertonic muscles, or too much tightness, which means that the exact opposite of a kegel is needed

• like using a bandaid when we really need stitches, strengthening superficial muscles without addressing deeper ones only sort of works - it means our brains have to think fast enough to contract the muscles before any drama, while our deep pelvic floor muscles and organs work without our conscious control, which means that we may be too late in our conscious response

• the pelvic floor is part of a whole body system of pressure regulation, structural integrity, and many moving parts working together. if posture, breath, alignment or muscle activation timing is off elsewhere, there can be direct impact on the pelvic floor.

so, what to do?

well, that might be the subject of entire classes, books and master’s degrees, and i will surely write more on this in the future, but for now, here’s some tenets of my approach to pelvic floor health. these are the steps i took for myself and teach my clients, but they are not to be taken as medical advice as i am most definitely not a medical professional.

1) breathe well and deeply. fill your lungs like balloons and expand them in all directions. relax your center as you inhale and allow it to engage on your exhale. a deeper breathing pattern is genuinely life-changing. and if nothing else, deep breathing can calm the nervous system and reduce stress, which has a direct positive impact on the pelvic floor.

2) work your sides. stretch them, strengthen them, and get to know the muscles of your side body. they assist with proper breathing, structural integrity, and posture, which brings me to the next point:

3) practice excellent posture. and i don’t mean trying to sit “at attention” at your desk all day. i mean strengthening your posture muscles to help you stand taller all the time without having to think about it, to make room for fuller deeper breaths, and to free your body of unnecessary pressure, downward pull, and pain-causing patterns.

4) get strong glutes. when the surrounding muscles of the pelvis are strong and functional, the internal contents of the pelvis are better able to do their job. lively, unclenched glutes directly and indirectly contribute to pelvic floor health and have positive effects throughout the body.

as promised, more details coming soon, but i hope this helps you begin to connect to, heal, or care for your own power of the pelvis.

The Essence of Self-Care

hi there, babe,

whew, what a week "off" it's been for me! i've been traveling with 4 year old diego and 1 year old ramona to visit family down south (#minivanlife) and i can't tell you how much i missed moving with and writing to you. it was just a week & change away from work, normalcy and brooklyn, but it felt like a month and i'm soooo stoked to be back!

why such a time warp? well, that's because we decided that my husband would stay behind to work, and i was la jefa/solo parent for the week. i'm forever indebted to my mother and sister for being my trusty sidekicks on the road, but even with the strength of 4 women, KIDS ARE SO MUCH WORK. i love my littles beyond the sun, and we are so much closer having had such adventures together, but i am more aware than ever of the extreme privileges of having both childcare and a hands-on partner.

i'm also now very aware of the fragile importance of self-care. while i wouldn't say i have much "me time" in my normal life (there have been exactly zero manicures or margaritas with the girls since about mid-2019), i do have a few child-free hours every day to teach, clean my house and walk around without someone literally clinging to my body. i now see how crucial those precious hours are to my sense of self and balance because it turns out it is damn near impossible, in the presence of one's young children, to write cohesive emails, read anything longer than a headline, have one's personal space respected without being booped, prodded, tackled, or clawed in the face, or finish thoughts.

and driving? holy crap. we had the immense luxury of an in-car dvd player and chewable dramamine, but even so, had my sister not been there to act as aunty, tortilla chip provider, carrier of tote bags and tiny people and sanity-keeper, i think the children and i would be cross-eyed and crying on the side of the road somewhere living off of cheese puffs and ditchwater.

anyway, all this is to say that i'm happily back to my regular teaching schedule this week, and i have a few words for you today about what self-care really looks like and my favorite way to do it.

the power of a shower

i think the term "self-care" has been misconstrued as of late (by the very privileged and the marketing teams whose job it is to sell things to them) to mean indulgence and luxury when really, stripped down, self-care means setting and honoring good boundaries. alongside those boundaries come practices - rituals, even - that set us up to feel better, present and future, and hopefully give us something nice to look back on when we think about the past.

as a working mother of two very young children, my self-care is best summed up by one ritual whose power i didn't even recognize until it became a scarce commodity: a morning shower. i know that not showering is abhorrent to many, far beyond the reality of most child-free people, and that struggling to find the time to perform daily ablutions is somewhat particular to early motherhood, but i also know many of us struggle with work/life balance, boundaries, and feeling like we're spreading ourselves too thin.

i used to be an evening shower-er because i've always had very active jobs and like to go to bed clean, but now that doesn't work because a post-dinner/bath/bedtime/dishes shower would wake up the baby (which we certainly must not do). and i've noticed lately that i'm simply a calmer, happier, less snippy and more satisfied person on the days when i shower sometime before noon. i don't know why this is, but it seems to be true, and it means i'm literally a better mother and human when i recognize that my family will survive without me in their immediate vicinity for 20 minutes every day, even if the baby is crying and the floor is dirty and someone lost a dinosaur.

not for nothing, i love water, and a shower is a practice of renewal, self-love, and solitude (if i'm lucky).

what about you? what's your practice or ritual (the simpler the better) that keeps you sane? hit reply and share with me!

that's it for now, babes. stay cool & keep pulsing!
with love & planks,

annie

perils of perfectionism

lately i've been thinking how for much of my life, especially since becoming a mother, i spend a lot of time and energy aspiring to ideals of womanhood that simply don't exist in the wild. for one reason or another, i expect myself to somehow be an awesome mom, a stellar employee, a savvy & capable business owner, an inspiring entrepreneur, a flawless housekeeper, a hot, supportive and fun wife, and an attentive friend, all while being wayyyy more organized than i naturally am and cooking consistently delicious and healthful meals that the people in my house will actually eat.

but.

is anyone all of these things at once?

clearly not.

and why would i even want this, anyway? why do i think it's remotely possible, let alone desirable, to be the supermom who "somehow does it all," all the time?

deep down, i don't think i do. i am a living, growing, ever-evolving creature of this earth who is deeply and consistently engaged with the experience of being alive. i have feelings i don't understand, experiences that blow my mind, an increasingly large stash of knowledge to share with others and ever-expanding energy… and yet, somehow, my brain keeps automatically “should-ing" me towards these aspirations inherited from our patriarchal society and my own 90's-era perfectionism.

consider that the ideal i've inherited of modern american womanhood is built on a web of lies fabricated in the 1950's (sending women back into the home to free up jobs for returning soldiers) that didn't thoroughly die in the 60's and 70's when we layered even higher expectations onto women with career, achievement, and glamour but didn't deal with things like maternity leave, childcare, or any real education about pre-and postpartum wellness. modern technology and conveniences notwithstanding, humans have not historically lived in such small and insular family groups as we do now - ever. back in the day, even if small children were with their mothers most of the time, they were not alone with their mothers. there were other, multigenerational bodies, hands, eyes and minds to watch, protect, nurture, stimulate and entertain. Beyoncé might be “strong enough to bear the children and get back to business,” but who's singing about how awesome they are at raising their children while running a (home and) business?

please understand: i love my children, my career, achievements and (relative) glamour. i cherish my family, my education, my conveniences and my partner, who is awesome and more than does his share. we are living the dream! i'm pontificating to illustrate my overall point, not to complain.

speaking of, here's the point: you'd think all the should-ing aspirations would lead to inspired action, forward motion, productivity and progress. but actually, this overachiever-y should-ing leads to getting bogged down by the shackles of persistent guilt, the inertia of internal shame, all for constantly falling short of overblown and misinformed expectations. which in turn leads to more of the behaviors and habits that we are always trying to will ourselves away from, like short tempers, extra glasses of wine, bingeing netflix, cold shouldering loved ones, having what is by any sensible estimation too many cookies, etc.

because what i'm aspiring to is both impossible and based on a web of lies, all the motivation towards “having it all" aka “doing it all” actually has the opposite effect from intended - i get less done when i spend more time planning elaborately and then feeling guilty when it doesn't all work out.

so what does this have to do with exercise, you ask?

good question. it's not so different, really. the fitness industry relies heavily on aspirational ideals to motivate clients towards perfect health or bikini bodies or thigh gap or 6 packs or bubble butts or what have you. but if our ideals are jacked, we set ourselves up to fail by striving for them, because our efforts will at some point have the opposite effect as intended.

so what do we do about it?

i say: focus on the joys of the process. whether the joy comes from completing something hard or from relishing something that feels good, go towards that. do exercise you like, with people you like, listening to music you like, wearing leggings you like. notice the little differences day to day, understand that progress doesn't have to be linear to still be progress. enjoy occasional goal-lessness. i've learned that sometimes it's better to eat mac & cheese from a box if it means that you get more time to play on the floor with small people and their dinosaurs. sometimes it's better to do the “easy” modification or just take a freaking walk instead of the latest WOD. and sometimes, it's better to let the abs go.

releasing from the protective cocoon of perfectionist ideals can be a little scary (internal monologue is like omg! if i don't want abs i won't do abs & i'll never have abs/a job/love/self-esteem ever again… shhhh, internal monologue, stfd with that nonsense) but is ultimately freeing - and way more fun - to do so.

so, focus on the process. smell the roses. feel the feels. let go of outcomes and revel in what comes. thanks for reading, babes!