on energy & intentionality

lately i keep thinking about a quote, attributed mostly to oprah (🙌) that goes something like, “your intentions determine the outcome of your life.”

put another way, the energy of our intentions shapes the results we see in our lives. it's been on my mind for how true this seems to be, yet how tricky it can feel to live in alignment with our desired energy or intentions. 

for instance, i've been invited to set my intentions in literally every yoga class i've ever taken and honestly, i never quite understood this. i couldn't feel it. i was never able to say, “yes, inner self, our intention for this practice is to cultivate peace within and share it with the world." it was more like, “my intention for this practice is to not die in chaturanga - or maybe ever?” or “do a damn handstand already” or sometimes “become a better person through exercise!” 🙄

but intentionality is beginning to make more sense to me. i'm learning that for better or worse, our intentions shine through our actions without us having to control every last detail - even if we are consciously adjusting ourselves otherwise. case in point: no matter how sweetly i speak to my children, if my energy is scoldy or impatient, they'll hear it, and will react (more like retaliate) accordingly. but when i am truly chill, unfettered, and my energy is focused on peacefulness, everyone is that much more easygoing, fun-loving, and sweet. 

the trick is to focus on our energy before we try to change the actions we take. when i repeat to myself in the mirror every morning “today i will not yell, i will be a good mother. today i will not yell, i will be a good mother,” (action, intention) mostly what happens is that within the first 3 minutes of being in the presence of my poor, sweet, annoying little kids, i am in full screeching harpy mode - and instantly feeling guilty for yelling. it would seem that i yelled “despite my best intentions,” but really it's that i didn't take steps to prepare my energy for the desired intention (good mothering) before deciding on an action (not yelling).

instead, if i figure out what i need in order to be a “good,” non-screaming mother, the whole vibe shifts. the action of staying calm and not screaming comes easily because i've first cared for my energy and directed it towards my intention. for me, some ways i do this are to:

~ take a little more time for myself, even if i just lay on the floor

~ eat enough food

~ get ready every day (makeup, hair sort of) so i feel at least put together, if not polished/glamorous 

~ going to sleep, instead of doomscrolling and buying snake oil/skin care on instagram all night

you know, planning how i want to feel rather than how i want to behave. so that when i go to look for the “good mother” in myself, she's actually there. i don't have to constantly take deep breaths and count to ten and adjust my tone of voice because i can find that beaming radiant mama love already emanating from within. all i have to do is ride the wave. my kids might still be annoying, but it's ok because they're kids. and i can handle annoying without ruining everyone's day because i'm capacious and experienced enough to handle a child's big emotions and their wildness. and they feel that love and security from me, and their annoying behavior stops that much faster.

now, i'm not saying this happens easily, or even often, to be honest with you. if you've seen me rage-crying into a stroller at around 5pm on weekdays or football-carrying two screaming redheads and their scooters across graham avenue, know that it's because the desired action can't happen if we haven't been intentional about our energy in the first place - by listening, refilling our cup when necessary, protecting our energy. by no means am i successful with this 100% of the time. the process is simple but not easy, and it's made all the more difficult when we are overtired, overscheduled, overstimulated, stressed out, or getting all perfectionisty about multitasking and being amazing at everything and micromanaging everyone's mood. it's a work in progress.

but it's worth noting that this intentionality applies to movement and exercise. i heard a podcast the other day discussing a study done on professional housekeepers about mindset and exercise. the housekeepers were asked if they considered their manual labor jobs to be exercise, to which they all replied no. half of the housekeepers were told that they were, in fact, actually exercising as they went about their daily work and the other half were not told anything different. rather amazingly, the housekeepers who were told they were exercising just by being at work experienced all the benefits of exercise - literally. their moods improved, as did their biological markers of health and fitness, such as cholesterol, resting heart rate, weight, metabolism, etc. pretty mind-blowing, when you think about it.

the housekeepers didn't change their behaviors to get results, just their mindset about their work, and it was a mindset shift towards the positive, empowering, achievable end of the spectrum, rather than a prescriptive, intense, no pain-no gain approach. (i repeat my caution against most 21-day challenges for this reason).

does this mean we can sit on the sofa and think lovely thoughts and get/be all that we want in life? well, no. all the housekeepers were still moving, still getting it done, it's just that some viewed their daily movement as being beneficial and the others didn't. the mind is powerful, but not magic. actions still speak louder than words in the brain or affirmations in the mirror.

 but the more our actions express the energy of our intentions, the better. i wonder what could happen if we think (read: intend) that our workouts could connect us deeply to our bodies and our physical existence on this earth. or what if the exercise we're doing now could extend our mobility and capabilities in the long term? what if our next pilates and barre class really can lift our mood, expectations, potential, as well as our posterior chain?

on the flip side, what will our results be if we feel punished by our workouts? what are we accomplishing if we feel forced into a workout, or shitty about ourselves afterwards? if we're exercising to please someone or something else, or because we're feeling all the “shoulds” of modern life? 

spoiler alert: probably not what we want them to be.

it's worth considering in what other areas we can think ourselves towards - or, align the energy of our intentions with - our desired results. i always think back to a nike ad campaign from about 10 years ago that said things like, “your girlfriend lives in a 6th floor walkup. that counts.”

what if it all counts? how might we feel if we viewed our morning walk to the subway as a 5 block chance to de-stress? or if tidying up the house counted as calorie burn?

what counts to you, and how does that shape your results?