food, fall and feelings

hi babes,

i don’t know about you, but lately i’ve been extra, extra hungry. like, afternoon munchy munch town, baking treats for the kids and then eating them basically by myself, solo late night nibbles after hubs goes to bed, protein shakes on top of actual meals, can’t seem to get enough HUNGRY.

and i’ve been feeling all the feels about it. as a fitness professional and sort-of wellness writer, it’s super-embarrassing to admit - almost painful, actually - that i’m overeating (gasp!) but i’m writing about it today anyway because:

1) i figure i’m probably not the only one.

2) i’m actively engaged in dismantling diet culture and guilt & shame around food.

3) i have tips! satiety-increasing, shame-free, not-too-restrictive tips to help deal with emotional overeating without driving yourself crazy.

why do we eat too much?

people overeat for a reason, and it’s not “simply a lack of willpower.” i’ll say it again: we overeat for a reason, and understanding our reason is the first step to changing the behavior itself. some common reasons for overeating are:

1) needing actual real nourishment,

2) stress & big feelings,

3) processing cultural indoctrination about food (being told to clean your plate, not wanting to waste food, social pressure to eat, other kinds of learned food culture paradigms); or

4) all of the above.

contrary to the bitchy little voice in our heads trying to food shame us over a few extra cookies, there’s always a reason for an unwanted behavior, and it’s much more effective to address the reason before condemning the outcome/behavior itself. as one of my favorite bloggers writes, addressing an outcome before its cause is like “putting vitamins in poop” - meaning, not effective at all in changing either behaviors or outcomes. this is actually good news because it means that instead of trying to will ourselves out of a craving (or beating ourselves up for caving), we’ll have more success with less struggle from accepting our behavior as natural, looking at what reasons we might have to be extra hungry, and then addressing those reasons.

today, i’ll write about the first two reasons, needing food and having feelings.

nourishment

i realize that even though i don’t “diet” per se, my default setting is to try to get away with eating as little possible throughout the day, both in terms of quantity and frequency of meals. part of this is due to being a fitness professional (ab series + food babies = no bueno) and being busy, but it’s also from being taught somewhere along the line that surviving on as little as possible is a positive. you know, so the little voice in my head can say, “good girl, you’ve subsisted on 8 almonds and a green juice for 10 hours.” eye roll, big time.

thing is, this restrictive plan backfires daily when i get home and my body screams for calories to make up for all the barre classes, speed-walking, breastfeeding and general shenanigans of a typical day. cue the toddler snacks until dinner, the nibbling while cooking, the desperate post-dinner protein shake in an effort to avoid eating cookies, and then how good cookies are when dipped in chocolate protein shakes.

it’s taking me a moment to adjust, but i have definitely noticed that when i eat full, real meals throughout the day, i feel better and snack less. real meals make it drastically easier to skip the 4pm goldfish and animal crackers and, since i avoid the blood sugar spike from such treats, i have less cravings for the rest of the evening. by full meal, i mean all the macros - protein, carbs & fat - and no, smoothies and protein bars don’t count as meals, even if they contain the calories. for many of us, they just don’t register with the brain as a meal.

resist the urge to restrict, and you’ll resist the urge to binge. you simply won’t need to.

eating feelings

now for the second reason - stress! anxiety! heartache! fear! there are many feelings that seem to demand a comforting blanket of fat. when you think about it, turning to food for comfort is a natural, normal process that makes sense. from the time we’re babies, our caregivers offer sustenance when we are upset. from both breast and bottle, we’re given warm, sweet, fatty substances with a side of snuggle and hug. so it makes sense that in times of stress we might turn to warm gooey desserts, satisfying piles of carbs, or the confoundingly beautiful combo of cold sweet fat that is ice cream.

in the world of internet law of attraction blogs, having excess weight is understood to be a protective reaction to fear. and this also makes sense - instinctively, humans fear scarcity (not enough food = death), loneliness (loss of tribe = less food, more death), and failure (unsuccessful quest for food = hunger/eventually death). thus, our bodies ensure survival by holding onto extra energy stores (aka muffin top) to prepare for the lean times and prevent death. and while our circumstances are different these days, the threat of scarcity, loneliness or failure are all still very much present - only now, we have easy access to abundant comforting calories.

it’s important to note that having excess weight does not mean possessing a bigger, rounder or softer body than we see on the magazine covers. by excess weight, i mean mass that doesn’t feel right on our particular frame, a feeling of awkward heaviness, of discomfort, of not fitting right. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - big doesn’t mean bad, fat doesn’t mean unfit, and skinny doesn’t mean healthy!

for me, it turns out that starting a business based on my great passion and entire career is scary af. and all the learning curves can feel stressful, especially when mixed with a fair amount of uncertainty and scarcity of resources/money. i realized that all my late night wide-eyed nibbling wasn’t so much because i’m a weak-willed hedonist but because this is a time of growth for me. quantum leaps are uncomfortable, and sometimes that shit is overwhelming and scary, while rainbow cookies and chocolate covered peanuts are happy and familiar. sometimes it feels literally comforting just to be full.

takeaways

you know what? once i acknowledged all this out loud, the cravings and snack attacks have all but gone away. thus, here’s my tips for dealing with an out-of-control appetite that’s bumming you out:

1) look at what “normal eating” is for you and check yourself - is it actually enough? is it balanced? are you restricting too much? if you’re trying to subsist on energy bars with a side of intermittent fasting, it’s time to adjust.

2) eat towards steady blood sugar. steady blood sugar prevents cravings and naturally promotes balance, the way i do this is to avoid sweet things for breakfast and to eat protein, fat and vegetables whenever i eat starchy or carby things.

3) ask yourself what’s up. are there reasons your might be fearful or stressed? like, i dunno, a global pandemic and the upheaval of all things normal? write about it. talk about it with a friend. acknowledge it somehow and feel more free after. for me, the more i talk about my fears and challenges, the more insight and assistance i get, and the more calm i feel/less chips i eat.

4) finally, look at the calendar. fall is the season of preparation for the scarcity of winter, and many of us feel an uptick in appetite for that very natural, logical reason. and not for nothing, fall food is delicious and comforting by nature (i’ve been super into smooth warm vegetable soups, stick to your ribs beans & rice, and roasted squash by the plateful).

anyway the point is that once i silenced the tired internal monologue of “you eat too much and suck and oughta be ashamed of yourself,” i was able to actually see what was going on with me, and since then i’ve felt immensely more capable of eating the way i want to, and even letting the cookies get stale.

anyway, happy eating, babes! and let me know - do the holidays have you eating your feelings? i love to hear from you!

with love & butter,

annie