1 May

Hey hey, barrebabes,

Little Diego just turned one month old, and he has been gracious enough to give me just enough time in between his meals to reflect on the past thirty days. Thus, today's newsletter is a bit about my impressions of motherhood so far and how I'm dealing, some movement remedies I'm working with (also good for people with sitting jobs or who are otherwise confined to chairs for a good portion of the day), and, of course, photos of His Highness, Mr. Baby :)

growing/shrinking

I am pleased to report my little guy has gained almost two pounds since birth - which is incredibly gratifying, considering all those ounces came right out of my boobs - and is visibly bigger to all who met him early on. It's amazing how fast he learns things and how different he is every day - he makes new faces, new sounds, new ways to play. My favorite thing is watching him look at stuff and actually see it, like polka dots, high contrast designs, or my husband's handsome face.

Conversely, I'm steadily shrinking. Not giving a crap, I haven't stepped on the scale, but I've been happy to notice some changes. I'm by no means a bikini model or anything just yet, but it feels good to look down and see my feet again and wear actual jean shorts (they were stretch, but what the hay). The pregnancy puffiness dissipated almost immediately, my 42-inch belly has deflated to within 4-5 inches of the norm, and the pregnancy cellulite has also just about left the building. I'm definitely noticing some loss of tone in my legs and booty, though (which, like, never happens to me) but... duh! I sit for upwards of 8 hours per day feeding my guy and am barely moving in comparison to even my pregnant level of training. Of course my muscles will be a little out to lunch. In an odd way, though, I'm kinda stoked about it - I get to start over, a chance to build myself back up, and to enjoy the process of working at something and seeing results.

Slowly, that is.

Mama Moves

While I'm not exactly "working out" per se, I am moving a little more and more each day, doing only what feels good. It's been tough to get used to breastfeeding for a variety of reasons, not the least of which that it requires more sitting in strange positions than I would ever normally do. And if I'm not careful, it will wreak havoc on my posture, causing not only rounded shoulders, but weakness in my psoas/deep core, putting pressure on an already delicate pelvic floor, and irritating my low back, sacrum and tail bone. If you are also stuck in a slump, or sit a lot for whatever reason, here's some simple moves I've been doing to help that you can also try:

- get up. I stand and move around when I can, be it giving the baby a jiggly walk through the apartment to burp him, nursing him standing up (or doing pliés), rocking him to sleep, or taking a spin around the block in the evening. The variation helps tremendously.
- shoulder rolls & arm stretches. Just like in the warm up in class, I roll my shoulders and stretch my arms and neck frequently to counteract the rolling forward & downward pull. I also try to open my chest and pecs whenever I can - think cactus arms. I focus on stabilizing my shoulders on all 4s. I take deep, full breaths that spread my side ribs and scapula. Soon I'll introduce strengthening exercises, but for now, this is where I work.
- pulsing pliés in a small range of motion. Just enough to wake my thighs back up. Check out my Instagram to see what I mean.
- hip circles, which are freaking magic. The baby likes them, and they're a great way to connect with and gently tone deep abs and pelvic floor. They also loosen up the low back and bring circulation to spots that get stiff from sitting.

They call it "baby steps" for a reason. Slowly but surely, I'll get there.

motherhood = hard

I'll just say it - taking care of my newborn is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's also the most wonderful thing ever, but these first few weeks are just so fraught. The hormones are cray, the learning curve is steep for everyone involved, and it's tough to constantly make what feels like life or death decisions on virtually zero sleep. But as we round the month-old mark, I feel like we're ironing out the kinks. He's eating, sleeping, and growing, and I'm sort of eating, sleeping more, and kinda shrinking. Everyone is winning.

i don't have baby blues, but i understand why new mamas can get them.The life changes aredrastic, y'all. One minute, you're going to barre class, catching shows and cruising around the city solo, and then within a few days you're more housebound than you've ever been in your life, chained to a tiny screaming creature who is completely dependent on you knowing what the hell to do to keep them alive, your insides are all stretched out and you're so vulnerable and everything hurts and everyone in the house is exhausted... it's intense.

(Don't get me wrong - I spend 90% of my time gazing at my baby with hearts for eyes. Another 5% I spend laughing at all the baby things he does, like making funny poo faces or sounding exactly like a little goat when he cries and turns hot pink. The other 5%, though? Hysterics and desperation. I think it's normal).

Patience is really the key. Patience with Mr. Baby, because it's hard to be a baby and he's just learning the ropes; patience with hubs, because he's working double shifts (job during the day, caring for us like a pro all night); and, most necessary, patience with myself. I'm slowly understanding that I'm not expected to be a perfect mama right off the bat, and I won't be able to instantly solve all of our problems with a wave of a magic wand (or more baby supplies from Amazon Prime). It takes time to learn to swaddle a baby, for the baby to learn how to go to sleep when he's tired, for everyone to learn how to breastfeed. I've found it's important to be nice to myself and to give us all time to get to know each other. It really does sort itself out! (Sleep helps).

Having patience with the post-partum healing process is crucial, too. I've had to coach myself a bit to recognize that time is my best healer and that my body knows best what to do. Of course, I'm helping it along with gentle, smart movement, but it's actually pretty magical how things will set themselves back to rights if I can just let them happen in their time, Understanding that I'm not sick, that it's all just part of the normal process of having a baby, helps too. It gets better every day, and I'm honestly thankful I have the awareness now instead of having more serious problems crop up later.

Here's a few things I do to keep it together:
-I put on a little makeup every day& do something with my hair, even if the only person who'll see my face is Mr. Baby. It's just good for morale.
-I text and talk with my fellow mamas. A lot. We share struggles, triumphs, advice, tips. Having a crew, even a virtual one, helps with just about everything. I'm a little bit Facebook-addicted, but it prevents loveliness as well as gratuitous freak outs over baby things.
-I move when I can and only do what feels good.Sometimes that's just some shoulder rolls and head circles. But even if it's just 8 pliés and a couple pelvic tucks while calming the baby, it counts. (Plus, it's really does help the little guy chill out!) Conversely, closing my eyes for 10 minutes while baby nurses also totally counts as rest. Right?
-I celebrate small victories and recognize silver linings. We all slept for 2.5 hours at the same time, hooray! I fed the baby and calmed him down in under 90 minutes, yeah! Maybe he pooed as soon as I got his diaper off (again) but hey, that's one less diaper to change!

And you know what? That glass of wine or "beer to help the milk come in" goes a long way. Just saying.