Welp. It’s that time of year again.

Spring in New York City—long, light-filled, slightly chaotic, aggressively sneezy days. The trees are blooming, the temps are heating up, and right on cue… so is the “change your body because you need to be better” noise.

You know the vibe:
Get ready for summer 30-day shreds.
Bikini body challenges.
A million new ways to fix yourself before June.

From where I’m standing, this time of year is exciting and beautiful, but it can also feel… weirdly exposing and kinda shitty. The layers come off, the social calendar ramps up, and suddenly it’s “crap, these shorts fit last year…”

And the cycle of marketing directly to women’s socialized insecurities continues.

To be clear: there is nothing wrong with wanting to shed the winter layers and step into summer with ease and confidence. It’s just important to be sure that optimizing for booty shorts doesn’t deplete your energy or kill your soul.

Vanity isn’t evil—it’s just not enough on its own.

But my beef with this is the one-size-fits-all, do-more-try-harder, “optimize your entire existence because you are not enough” messaging that floods this season.

Because let’s be honest— most of that advice is not built for our actual lives. It’s built by and for single men with stock portfolios and few responsibilities who lead existences that could not be more different than my own cacophony of unread emails and people who have taekwondo and homework and playdates and emotions to manage who need their mama.

And not for nothing, we are all different. Our bodies are different, our goals, and our seasons of life all vary, as they ought.

So if you’ve ever thought there was something wrong with you because you can’t keep up with the 87 supplements, multistep morning routines and exhausting workouts, hear this:

It’s not you. It’s the model.

move smart, not hard

You don’t need to shrink your body to have a summer body. You don’t need to weigh less, lean out, or completely overhaul your body comp. There are a million ways to be attractive, and even more ways to feel good in your body.

But across the board, one thing consistently ranks at the top of both categories: confidence. And confidence doesn’t come from restriction, punishment, or even gaining others’ approval. It does comes from:

an internal sense of capability
comfort with discomfort
self-trust.

This is where your movement practice comes in. When you exercise in such a way that helps you feel aware of and connected to your body, you build this confidence. When you recognize your progress and improvement over time when you meet and exceed challenges and feel ease and freedom in your own skin, you nurture this confidence. And when you prioritize posture, alignment and control (you know, like, doing actual Pilates) you project that confidence to the world.

Posture sounds stiff, stuffy, maybe old-school. But posture + lift = confidence.

When your body feels better, you look different. More open. More relaxed. More like yourself.

So I fail to see why we should exercise to the point of exhaustion just because that’s how some gym bros define their self worth, or why we should punish ourselves with restriction because some scrawny influencer swears by it.

why most “summer body” advice falls flat

Most of the advice out there fails for a few simple reasons:

It works for the person selling it—and people exactly like them
It assumes we all want the same thing (we don’t)
It ignores the realities of women’s bodies—especially in peri/post-menopause

That last one matters.

Because so many women are out here being told they’re not doing enough—
not lifting heavy enough, not eating perfectly enough, not disciplined enough. When in reality, the opposite is more often the truth.

We’re doing a lot, holding a lot, and most of us are trying A LOT. And all this doing and striving saps our energy instead if multiplying it. If you’re doing all the things and the things are working, you probably don’t need even more intensity. You might need less stress.

Intense workouts, aggressive calorie deficits, fasting—all of that can spike cortisol. And when cortisol stays high, the body tends to respond with inflammation, water retention, fatigue, stubborn weight, and that frustrating feeling of “I’m doing everything and nothing is working.” This is a normal physiological response, not a character flaw. Sometimes the most effective thing you can do is stop trying to override your body—and start working with it.

what actually works

First: your workouts should leave you feeling better than when you walked in. Not crushed, not depleted. But lifted, clear, energized & with a spring in your step. Ready to take on the world.

If your workout is consistently leaving you exhausted, tight, or inflamed, it’s worth questioning whether it’s supporting your goals—or quietly working against them.

Second: you have to like it.

Not tolerate it, not dread it. Actually enjoy it. Because the best workout isn’t the most intense one—it’s the one you’ll actually keep doing. We still have a body to care for after summer is over. We still have to keep moving after the 30 day challenge is over. So you might as well do what you like.

(Bonus points if it happens in a room with good light, good people, dark green reformers and good vibes, just saying).

The Bottom Line

The “summer body” you actually want?

It’s not about being smaller.
It’s about feeling at home in your body.

Lifted. Connected. Comfortable. Confident.

You don’t need to punish yourself to get there.
You don’t need to earn it through exhaustion.

You can choose something that works with your life, your body, and your nervous system.

Try doing something that doesn’t totally suck. Your body—and your confidence—will thank you.

start your journey