hey hey, barrebabe,
holy summertime, batman! nyc (like the rest of the planet) is heating up quick this season, and while i personally love me some summer, i'm aware that's partially due to the extreme privileges of working in temperature-controlled studios, having a comfy, big-ish apartment with central air (for the first time in my life and it's absolutely everything i thought it could be & more), plus: ice, sun hats, and the freedom to take it slow. now that i've checked my privilege, today i have for you some words on abs & raising babies.
soft spots
we all have something about us that presents a challenge to the psyche or self-esteem, and for me, it was always my abs. i can remember as early as kindergarten age sucking in my little kid belly to appear thinner, a habit that would be reinforced by years of ballet training, 90's-era super skinny supermodels, and a culturally-inherited perfectionist mindset of self-improvement. i remember being told over and over to pull in, brace, or scoop my abs in to look better, to have good posture, to strengthen my core or perfect myself in whatever way. and when i started teaching, i, too, repeated this "always abs in" mantra, and while i still say it a lot, it's different now because i also cue to relax the belly. what an idea!
the thing is, all that clenching and gripping and trying so hard didn’t particularly change my abs. i certainly got stronger, but it wasn’t from sucking in all day and it really wasn't until i got pregnant with my first baby that my abs really started to respond to my efforts on their behalf. suddenly, once i wasn't so laser focused on keeping them flat all the time (which obviously wasn't going to happen for at least another 9 months), i suddenly found i could engage them more fully and deeply and could really feel the work, even as i got bigger and bigger. my low belly (that holy grail of pilates prowess) especially was “turning on” like crazy, and when it was time for postpartum healing, i came back to strength, ability and connection in that area - as well as flatness, eventually - like never before.
there are a few reasons for this that are also some key takeaways to share with you:
- perspective shift. since my abs weren’t going to get any flatter while pregnant (duh), i could let go of that goal and just focus on the work and honoring where i was that day. THIS IS KEY.
- learning to relax and breathe. i've said it before - in order for a muscle to strengthen, it must contract against a force. in order for it to contract properly, it must also lengthen properly. so practice relaxing the belly and pelvic floor on an inhale and contracting on the exhale. trust the relax phase and honor it - in life and in pilates!
- letting go of perfectionism and outcomes. once i shifted my focus from tiny flat abs to just being where i was, i was able to really make changes and rebuild a strong foundation that has served me ever since. focus on the feeling and let everything else go.
so what do abs have to do with raising kids?
well, for one, without the process of growing and birthing them, i might never have discovered these tools in such a deep way. and not for nothing, without having kids to care for, i might still care deeply about having fitness model flat abs instead of my own feminine, strong, reasonably toned and attainable midsection. loving my babies has helped me to love myself, too.
moreover, just as we set up for an exercise with excellent posture and apply modifications when we need them, so too do i try to set up my little ones for success without too much focus on the destination, so to speak. by exercising care towards the structure of their day, and adjusting when needed. by releasing thoughts of perfect kids or perfect mothering and just consistently showing up for them with positive focus. by relaxing, both with my babies by playing on the floor or wandering around with them in the yard but also relaxing any outsized expectations i might have of how they should be. of course, in life as in class, this is sometimes easier said than done. but when things get frustrating, i try to remember to relax and breathe and feel grateful for my problems because they are pretty great ones to have.
finally, i believe that mama's strength, confidence and sense of self worth sets a positive model for her children and benefits the whole family. we develop the tone of our inner monologue very early in life, and i try hard not to let negative self-image talk escape my lips or show through my actions around my little ones. for their sake, and my own.
that's it for today, babes. thanks for reading, and i hope to see you at the barre soon!
with love & planks,
annie
